Just Four More Days

I haven't posted in a while as work's been a real slog. We had two project managers leave in one month and yours truly got their work to do.

I wrote the above sentence on June 11th and have just come back here now. Not much has changed unfortunately, and I'm having one of those Sunday nights where
I just.do.not.want.to.go.into.work.tomorrow.

Maybe the fact that I was at work until 830 pm Friday has something to do with it.

It's been bloody relentless, not only on the job front but personally as well. I am this close to getting my laundry service downstairs. The last part of the process is getting the electrical aspects transferred. I'll get there eventually. It's just been hard to get an electrician who is free at the same times I am. Working from home isn't exactly an easy exercise for me, given my job depends so much on my being on site.

I've also been taking some vocational sessions to help me hone in on something new to do for a living. I had an epiphany recently in that I realized for a long time, I just thought making my day job better seemed a waste of time. I know what I really want to do for a living and figured I'd get to that eventually. But I haven't gotten to that and I think it's because at times in my career, my day job has been draining in that when it's structured a certain way, it can be really unsuited to my personality. So given this, it's really no surprise I've had little energy to devote to my own artistic pursuits. I just don't have the mental and physical energy to devote to it. I'm too busy trying to recharge from the day or the week that's just passed.

At least that is one aspect. Certainly there have been other factors, but this one's a biggie.

Turning the vocational aspect of my life around is what's giving me hope right now as I continue to work all the hours God sends. That and slowly but surely bringing organization and livability back to my home. Every week I make progress, no matter how small. I get something on the house fixed. I get a cupboard or a drawer organized and it stays that way.

The one thing I do need to regroup on is exercise. My spin gym closed down, not for any financial reasons but because my instructor had an epiphany of his own and realized he hated running his own business. I've found another place, but given how much I'm working I'm feeling a lot of fear about signing up given the exhaustion factor. Then again, I'm just as fearful not doing anything. It's not as if I'm getting any younger.

I'm not going to lie. The last few months have been really hard. I feel like I could kill for a two week paid vacation right now, but that's not where I am. And for whatever reason, I'm feeling a bit gun shy writing here, not wanting to be too negative, not wanting to contribute to that energy.

And yet I do feel like something is in the air, and things are going to start really changing for the better, versus my efforts just being solely dedicated to survival. And some things have happened lately that have been sad and have been negative, but I have really gained some important insight from the experiences. Perhaps I'll write about them later. Perhaps not. All I know is I have four days at work this week and then I'm off for six. I'm clinging to that. For now that will do.