We have a long weekend due to the Victoria Day holiday this Monday. It couldn't come soon enough. Last week was, well, kinda hellish. I was extremely tired and had no concentration. I woke up every morning wishing I could sleep another three hours.
Despite this, somehow I managed to get some semblance of work done. I can't say I'm exactly on top of things, but I'm not woefully behind either. I just seem to be making demands on my brain it's unwilling to handle right now, and like an obstinate three year old, it's throwing a tantrum everytime I want it to work because it wants candy instead.
I feel that what I really need right now is rest, just time to be at home and away from the world. But this is not realistic and instead, I'm taking breaks where I can and making an active effort to focus on the good aspects of my work. Even though I'm finding it tiring right now, that feeling won't last forever. I work with very nice and funny people. Work bores me, but currently, it's a rare thing that doesn't.
I have to remember that I am viewing the world through a certain filter, that I've been living with one hand tied behind my back as it were for a long time, and as a result, my perceptions of things are altered. I can't say truthfully that remembering that makes things any easier. Circumstances are what they are, but I am trying not to dwell on negative things and that to me is a key step in changing my life and recovering from this latest depressive bout.
I let my doctor know on Friday how much better I had been feeling. It has truly amazed me how effective medication has been, how despite some remaining fatigue, it's nothing like the previous feeling I had of moving through molasses all the time.
Anyway, I spent yesterday in my pyjamas and the better part of the evening watching VH1's Top One Hit Wonders of the 80's. It was fabulous. The commentary was really funny and it was great to go back to a time when my perceptions of the world were so much more straightforward, and things like my hair and what shoes I was going to buy for the start of school were really major considerations, not to mention having a laugh at videos and songs we all thought were tha sh*t back in the day.
This weekend was just what I needed; nowhere to go, nothing to do and a few laughs here and there. Hope yours is as good.
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My brain wants candy most of the time too. Most unwelcome when attempting to earn one's living...I usually leave a random web site open, minimized, for a 5 minute indulgence every day. I find high end online shopping serves this purpose well. After about two minutes of out of reach prices...sighing and dreaming...it becomes depressing enough to turn back to my boring tasks.
The brain...like the heart..IS a spoiled child. It wants what it wants. :)
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