Moments In Sloth

After Thanksgiving Monday, I officially commenced my vacation. The shock is beginning to wear off in that my brain has now recognized that I am actually not in the office or in a situation that requires I think in any real manner whatsoever. Thus, I am starting to feel a little less wound up.

A little.

Saturday, I was incredibly tired after being at work very late so I decided to treat myself to some magazines, movies and yes, chocolate covered almonds. My plan was to be a complete vegetable.

I was rather proud of myself on the chocolate almond front. I can't remember the last time I had any and I suppose I was in the mood for a chocolate boost as my brain felt so sluggish. CA's in hand, I then went about purchasing magazines. I bought US and Star, which I do not buy on a regular basis. No seriously. I DO NOT. But hell, I'm on vacation. I also picked up the latest issue of Wired and Yoga Journal (see Guru! I have not left the valley of Shivandanta!)

The magazines were particularly amusing. The headline on this week's star was a slice of editorial genius. It had extra skinny pictures of both Terri Hatcher and Kate Hudson with the headline: Battle of the Bones. Personally, I can't stand Bonnie Fuller. I really resent people who still get ahead despite having a reputation for leaving a trail of destruction everywhere they go, but props are due where props are due. The Star is a delectable morsel of ooey gooey bitchy goodness, best taken in small doses (if you ask me) and that headline was brilliant. Another section is a cosmetic surgery review entitled Knivestyles of the Rich and Famous. My brain was immensely grateful for this respite after three solid months of project tracking and process development.

I then went to Blockbuster and rented a bunch of movies. Then I went home and watched them. Oh, this high strung life I lead. I'm ready ta snap I tells ya! SNAP!

Here's what I thought of my rentals:

Outlaws of Comedy: Sam (ooooooooooohhh!!! oooooooooooohhh!!!!!) Kinison

I remember in high school Sam Kinison having the level of notoriety that Chris Rock has today. He was viewed precisely as the title states: as an outlaw, someone who would say whatever the hell he felt like saying. I never experienced Kinnison's comedy directly, i.e. one of his shows, but I did see him in the video for his version of Wild Thing or on the MTV awards. I always found him very funny. So it was a tremendous disappointment when I got to about 20 minutes on this tape and just couldn't take it anymore. It was vulgarity for the sake of vulgarity, which has got to be about the most boring comedy there is. I also found it unbelievably homophobic. I don't mind gay jokes per se. My only condition is that if you're going to make jokes about homosexuals or lesbians, be an equal opportunity offendor and make sure everyone gets a hit from the flamethrower. Instead, Kinison's rant just went on and on, with an audience full of mullet heads cheering him on. It was unfunny and offensive. But it was an interesting lesson in history. This was a lost video of a performance in 1990, shortly before Kinison's death. It was right at the start of a decade that by its end, would have brought home in all its horror, the full impact of the AIDS epidemic in North America. Sammy boy comes across less Old School, and more of what Milton Berle called "high school."

The Aviator

God how I love Martin Scorscese. I adored every minute of this glorious epic film. Brilliant production values and a stellar cast were the icing on the cake. I must admit that although Kate Bekinsale did a competent job as Ava Gardner, it was nowhere near as good at Kate Blanchett's version of La Hepburn.

Alexander (a.k.a. Push, Push in the Hindi Kush)

This film is like a Glasgow Rangers fan after a post game all night run of bevvy and curries: bloated and flatulent. Oh Oliver Stone. It is a ponderous chain. Where do I begin to articulate my dismay with this movie? Well let's start with the Kilmer factor. Val seems to get more over the top with every performance and he's woefully miscast here as Alexander's father. Angelina Jolie is equally inappropriate as his mother. I got the malevolence but how old was she when she had Alex? Nine? The script was also a minefield for the actors here, in that it lent itself to far too much self-indulgence on their part. Note to writers: give actors the noose of a line like "By the scrotum of Achilles, I beg you. Do not take this course of action!" and they are bound to hang themselves.

The Phantom of the Opera

"Past the point of no return. no going back now! Our passion-play has now at last begun!"

"Past all thought of right or wrong, one final question how long should we two wait, before we're one".

"PAAAAAAAASSSST THE POINT OF NOOOOOO RETUUUUUUURN!! NO SECOND CHAAAAAAAAAANCES!!!

Ahem. I do apologize. Got a little carried away there.

Well if you like Andrew Lloyd Webber, you'll love this movie. The opposite is also true. It's an extremely faithful reproduction of the musical, however, take some crackers because the cheese is plentiful. There are some great British stand bys in the cast, however, such as Miranda Richardson, Simon Callow and Minnie Driver, who is particularly excellent as Carlotta, the Italian opera diva from hell. Gerard Butler is not so well cast as the Phantom. This is unfortunate because he's so damn hot. But he just has that yelling style of singing and is obviously out of his element here. Too bad, as he does bring an emotional resonance to the role. Those tears are real y'all. And he's hot. Did I mention he's hot?

And another thing. The production values on this film are so good. What was with the domo-arigato-Mr.-Roboto legs? I'm talking about the mannequin in the Phantom's layer at the end. Yeeeessss, there's an original theme: some loner guy dude with facial scarring living in a basement with a life sized doll.

Sahara

This movie has Matthew McConaughey at his Errol Flynn best. He beats people up, seeks gold and in his spare time, saves democracy as we know it. If you want to check your brain at the door and have some fun for two hours, this is the movie for you. Plus the desert shots are cool. It's like Hildalgo with the hurt-the-horsies nastiness.

Seriously. Who'd wanna hurt a horse?