Hang On to Ya Seat Y'all!

Well, so much has happened lately I hardly know where to begin.

First of all, last night was one of the greatest musical experiences I've ever had. More to come on that later.

I discovered that a new spa and nail bar is opening in our neighbourhood called La Belle. Ragdoll and I are BEYOND excited!

And speaking of exciting, I GOT A CALLBACK FOR THE PLAY! FOR THE LEAD!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

See! I Told You They Sleep All Day!

Treading the Boards Once Again

Well I went to my first audition in ten years tonight. I am not ashamed to say that enroute, I prayed to God that I wouldn't make a total ass out of myself.

I arrived, checked in and kept running my monologue through my head. It's been a bitch to memorize, but of course I had to pick Lettice from Lettice and Lovage didn't I? The part was originated by Maggie Smith. It's hardly lightweight.

But what the hell? Go hard or go home.

So I sat for while and eventually got to meet "theatre chick". There's one at every audition and I usually encounter them.

She said to the receptionist "Oooooooooooooooohh. I so wish I could come and see your current show, but I'm in another show at the moment."

To which the receptionist replied that the show was still on next week.

"OOOOOOOOOooooooooohhhhhh. I have theatre nights booked next week."

Yes, you are so talented and theatrical in every way. Now please f*ck off.

So I get to audition. I'll spare unnecessary detail. I ended up blanking towards the end of my monologue but the director didn't seem that bothered. She asked me to do it again with a different tone.

She then had me read for three different parts. If I'm cast, my money's on the fat old lady.

One, because I'm fat.

Two because I can pull it off. I remember performing the part of Rebecca Nurse in The Crucible at highschool, and it's no word of a lie to say it was a kick ass production. A teacher I really admired told me I was one of the best young actresses she'd ever seen because even at 17, I could pull off senior citizens.

So if that's what I get, bring it. It's an awesome part, but frankly, I'd just be happy to get a part period. Truth be told, the director really impressed me and I'd love to work with her.

I've realized on the drive home that I spent a lot of years trying to get it perfect and what I probably ended up accomplishing was being inauthentic and unsure. This director was so insightful, and really knows how to give direction to get what she wants. I think I would gain so much from working from her.

And it would just be nice to be on a stage again.

Operation Pudge Nudge: Going Back the Way You Came

I went back to my club today for my first workout in three weeks. My lungs finally felt clear, and sure enough I got through my workout feeling not that much worse for wear. There were two other things that motivated me to go. One, which I meant to blog about earlier was my four pound weight loss. Not staggering, but it's a start. I'm just hoping the past few weeks didn't negate it. I didn't bother to weigh myself.

Secondly I slept this weekend. A LOT. Last night I went to bed at 9:30, partly because I was depressed and grumpy but also because I just couldn't keep my eyes open. I slept right through until 7 a.m., got up for a while, then went back to bed at 9:30 a.m. and slept until 1 p.m.!!

And even when I got up, I was really making myself get outta bed.

I remember when I used to feel like this before, where I would literally spend the weekend in bed, genuinely to the bone tired, sleeping off whatever it was I needed to get rid of, and in thinking of how I used to do his, something my boss said to me last week really hit me.

He'd been aware of my absence from work to see the respirologist and we got talking about the results. He was asking me a little bit about my history, and I mentioned I'd been off work nearly ten years ago due to a couple of undiagnosed bacterial infections. I just got worn out trying to keep going despite it. I was telling him how I was struggling against my own impatience but that I hadn't gotten to my current state overnight so I couldn't expect to solve it that way.

He said that was probably the case with my illness and that it has probably taken me that long to get to where I am now, to bounce back and get to a point where I can attempt a regular work out program that has a chance of sustaining itself. He said that I am where I am, and if that means I need to just walk on a treadmill for six months, then I need to respect that that is where my body is right now.

I thought his point about the journey back was very true. There's a naturopathic term as well, the herxheimer reaction, or "healing crisis" in which as the body heals itself, it will vent toxins and show similar symptoms to the disease being treated.

Maybe I'm just thinking wishfully. But I haven't had a sleep like that in a while. I'd like to think it happened as part of getting back to where I was before.

Does Anybody Remember This?

I'm sure the Ontarians will remember this cause it was all over the television like a disease when I was growing up. Why it popped into my head, I don't know. But I thought this woman was awfully sophisticated at the time! LOL!

Rainy Morning Musings

We've had days upon days of relentless grey weather here lately. Combined with daylight savings and early darkness, the feeling of enforced hibernation is a little wearing. I like the cosiness and quiet winter brings. It's draggin' my ass out in it that poses issues some days.

I was thinking this morning about a documentary I saw a while back. I can't remember the artist it was about, but he was from Quebec and he is famous for his traditionalist images, particularly of winter. I remember the narrator saying that winter, in the late 1800's, was essentially a time of rest for people because there were no crops to tend and harvest and no food stores to build up. I remember that factoid striking me because I so often think of winter as a time of hardship when I apply the context of the past. I imagine white knuckled pioneers trying to make that last jar of jam last as long as possible. But it's entirely reasonable that many times, winter was a time to relish.

What's my point? I don't know.

It's 6:05 a.m. and the rain is lashing outside. I can't sleep anymore. My head is swimming with thoughts such as:

I don't want to audition Monday. I feel too fat.

That I don't understand how I can have a chest with gunk in it but no asthma. Not that I'd like asthma, I'm just sayin'.

That generally, I'm feeling so much better since I started supplementing with iron and vitamin D and I'm beginning to wonder if so many years of fatigue and disappointment come down to some simple deficiencies I could have fixed long ago.

That it's essentially even useless to think that because you can't change the past.

That I'm so happy my orphan cat who was abandoned by the yobbos went to his new home a week ago and is doing swimmingly by all accounts.

That I wish we had a guide book for life. I wish you could get some kind of kit that basically outlines why you're here, what you need to learn and what your purpose is.

That sometimes, I just feel stupid and narcissistic writing here.

OK

Desperately trying to get back into the swing of things Dear Reader, so I'll just pick up where I am in the hope that I can get to some of the other items I mentioned previously.

Good news! Went to the hospital today and had a second test with the respirologist. I do not, thank God, have asthma. He's given me a puffer to use just before exercise as I could still be getting some exercise induced inflammation that is not because of asthma but could be affecting my breathing nonetheless. Essentially the puffer will work or it won't, so it just goes to show that you should follow these things through, if for nothing more than the piece of mind.

And the comic relief. The contraption I used today to breathe in whatever substance was required looked like a giant bong. Ridiculous.

I am once more unto the breach at work, taking on double duty again as are several of my colleagues as we try to finish our Redev project. Code without end, Amen. I'm going to write a book based on my experience. It's called The Ass Haunting.

I actually had a dream the other night that featured a pink elephant.

A week today, I'm auditioning for a play. I'll let you know what happens.

I have started knitting a scarf. Already I've had some calamity to contend with, rendering the stitching well less than perfect, but I am trying to look at this first project as a metaphor for life. Some stitches you loop, others you drop and the rest fall into place.