TORONTO - Although the Federal government is denying it, reliable sources have confirmed to this media outlet that Canada is indeed experiencing a Care Bear shortage. Toy stores nationwide have been quietly trying to deal with extremely low inventories while making no public statements on the matter.
"Well" declared a youngster by the name of Rosy "I went to the store and there were no bears. And then I went to another store, and there were no bears. Everybody took them. I did get some tongue tatoos though."
Oh the humanity.
Winston Cardova, Canada's Minister of Plush Industries was vague in his statement to the press today, declaring only that "the Care Bear situation is being looked into" and that "Hell. There's those fat fuzzy cat lookin' things shaped like a triangle. Have you seen these FREAKIN' things? Can't the kids just get those?" An aide then declared that Mr. Cardova was needed at a meeting at which time the press conference was concluded.
American Greetings, the manufacturer of Care Bears issued a statement today indicating that "Inventory Bear" and "Supply Channel Bear" were looking into the situation and would then advise via "P.R Bear".
"Grumpy Bear" also issued a statement indicating that "American Greetings needs to get their damn ass in gear."
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