Excavation

Inigo Montoya: Who are you?

Westley: No one of importance.

Inigo Montoya: Please. I must know.

Westley: Get used to disappointment

--- The Princess Bride

Lawd have mercy, I am so glad it is Friday tomorrow.

What a week. Everyone at work has been collectively "meh". It's like we're all hungover from a winter bender.

I've been thinking a bit more about the past two days and my planned excavation exercise. I've realized that as much as I feel I've missed out on things, I've also had a lot of good experiences too, or experiences that were good in the sense that I learned a lot from them.

I started compiling my Lion's Den mix today and it was very interesting the songs that I remembered as well as the feelings and memories associated with them. I'll share more on that later, but the important thing is that I don't want to give the impression that I want to be a kid again or avoid real life, because I don't.

I don't mind having a mortgage and a fancy pants job. I like having an adult life with adult pay offs. But I suppose what I also need to confront is that I want more.

Ragdoll pointed out an interesting thing to me the other day that I hadn't thought of. It was the concept of mourning the life you didn't have. If anybody can speak to that concept she can. It made total sense to me. Maybe that's why I'm feeling stuck in my emotional mud. I haven't allowed myself to feel that it's ok to be ticked off or upset that some things didn't work out, that some things happened and others didn't, that people died or changed for the worse. Maybe I just need to indulge in some good old fashioned disappointment.

We'll see.