It's 1:15 a.m. and I can't sleep. I keep thinking about stupid shit like:
The fact that the end of next month is the 10th anniversary of Lady Diana's death and how I wondered at the time what the world and my life would be like 10 years later.
And that I don't like the results.
The fact that the corporate sector really brings out the worst in human beings and how I feel like I'm the sacrificial lamb of my company. I seem to be the only one with a job that is what ever everyone else thinks it is.
That I'm exhausted.
And a bit scared because the Marine got laid off after we got back from Martha's Vineyard, which lends yet more credence to my uber paranoid theory that I am always punished for having taken a vacation.
That I still need to get my pictures from the aforementioned trip uploaded.
That my house and yard are a wreck and I'm too tired to clean either.
That the Bionic Woman series is coming this fall and that I'm really excited about it. It's like a cup of cocoa and a bwankey for my inner geek.
That my mum got through her third and final round of chemo last week but was too sick to talk on the phone and that I was pretty much a basket case by the weekend for not having heard her voice for nearly six days, which gave me a glimmer of what losing her would be like, the terror of which I shoved back in my heart like damp laundry that needs another 30 minutes in the dryer.
That I need to write, act, sing, do anything but what I'm doing for a living because I have reconciled myself to the fact that the desire to do so will never go away.
That I have to get new sneakers, get my ass to the gym and see if I can walk all the above off.
2 comments:
First relax.
Then know that you've already been blessed with the ability to survive all of it.
Now start thinking of your plan with all of the tools you got now...
Focus and execute.
Remember the plan?
ok i know you said you didn't think it would be your thing but i am teaching my first laughter meditation class next tuesday night, i highly suspect no one will show up, but for this kind of mind i think an hour of the foolish zen that ensues at laughter meditation would be just the thing. yes, it is crazy, but it works a kind of magic on your soul and helps you laugh at life. anyhow, you are cordially invited to join. it's at the high park library on annette street and starts at 7pm. a cup of white cloud tea awaits.
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