Bruises

I currently have two huge bruises. One is on my right thigh. I'd like to say it was caused by a night of wild abandon with the Marine, but no, I walked into something. A table I think, I can't even remember the incident, just the vague recollection of a sharp shove into my leg as I was walking past something. At some point.

The second is from my iron injection. You can well guess the locale so I shall spare you further details Romanship.

If I'm honest, I feel a bit bruised generally these days. Last week was hard, just an absolute endurance test physically, but somehow I manage to keep going and get my work done and contribute. I take some solace in this, but just. My entire adulthood has felt like this and all I can do is keep going, keep looking and trust that I'll find a way out of it.

I probably shouldn't even be writing this. Yesterday was a bad day, and I'm sure once my iron shot kicks in and I start to feel better, my negativity will seem silly. Yet at the time I experience it, it is overwhelming.

"I've felt like crying all day." I said to the Marine the other night.

"Then why don't you?"

"Cause I'm at the office. I have to keep it together and do my job."

"Then cry now."

Which I don't do, because crying for nothing, crying in the absence of a definitive reason to do so is sometimes too big a line for me to cross. It just doesn't make me feel better a lot of the time. What it makes me feel is crazy.

I struggled to get out of bed by noon yesterday. I then had a nap from about 4-5:30. I was in bed, exhausted, by 9:45 p.m. In the absence of any appetite to speak of, my meals were chocolatey and sugar laden. Usually the sugar rush helps my energy, but yesterday it didn't. My only outing, was to walk amongst the maxed out super sized loving masses at Costco. I love the prices of things there, but Dear Lord Above, we just have way too much in this part of the world. For every great thing you find at Costco, there's at least 10 useless things that I can't imagine anyone really needing. Like a ten pack of multi-edged scissors for scrap booking or the latest "it's all a conspiracy" offering from Kevin Trudeau, maxi sized bbq's that could cook for a hotel and fruit salads in containers big enough to hold a turkey. Who is buying these things?

I slept like a log until about 5 a.m. I managed to get up and get going by 10 this morning, leaving more of the day for me to enjoy. I hate noon wake ups. Too much of the daytime is lost, and I wake up late far too often.

I'm hopeful that by Monday or Tuesday, the iron shot starts to work its magic. From what I've been reading online [cue shudder from M.D's everywhere] it is entirely possible, in fact quite normal to have regular hemoglobin counts and still be feeling like crap if your ferritin counts are low. So I'll do what I can today. I'm going to go out and get the Vitamin C my naturopath wants me to start on and go from there. Hell, I may just buy myself something cause I feel like it. [Emotional shoppers everywhere unite! LOL!]

Sorry to vent. Sometimes I just get tired of smacking on the happy face and pretending everything's fine.