The rain is falling steadily outside. It's just after 3 a.m. and I am pretending that it's the middle of summer and that if I wanted to, I could go outside and sit in the warm night air in nothing but my housecoat. It feels like it's been raining for a week, though realistically it's more like a day and a half. I couldn't tell you however, the last full day of sun we had.
I have felt wretchedly tired this week. Between workouts and work, Christmas is sneaking up on me like a bad cold. How did I get to this point? How did any of us? It just seems every year at this time I'm insanely busy and Christmas becomes one more thing to get done. It's awful and we've completely lost the meaning of the season. Every year I feel this way and I don't know how to shake it.
I have absolutely no idea given my current workload and energy levels how I'm going to get anything done and how I can do anything to appreciate the season. That's what I think is so sad. Christmas isn't about running a gauntlet. It's about taking time to celebrate the birth of Christ [if you're a Christian] and to reflect and be thankful for what you have.
I've been trying to focus my mental efforts on the latter, because I do have much to be thankful for. It's amazing how much a bad work situation can suck the life out of, well your life. My work situation isn't bad in terms of the people or the company, or even the job. It's just the job "right now."
"Right now", I have too much work and not enough resources or time to get everything done. It's been like this for months, so I need to allow for that fact and realize that it's impacting my perspective. Plus I haven't had full time support in nearly two months. The irony is that as difficult as that has been, it been far less difficult than working with the person we let go.
Plus the new year brings an influx of interns, the return of my boss from mat leave and hopefully the conversion of my contract role to full time, assuming things get approved as planned and a job offer shows up in writing. I have to admit, there is a part of me that wishes I could just finish my contract, gracefully bow out and take some vacation, but you have to trust that things work out the way they do for a reason.
Still, I wish I was awake enough to read books and write more than "I did this" and "I did that" for blog entries.
On the upswing, I'm making good progress on the voice over front and should have a demo reel pulled together in the new year. By the summer, I plan to have an agent.
A facebook friend posted that it's only 11 more days before the sunlight starts to return and our days get longer. Thank goodness.
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