Dateline: Friends, Romans

TWO COUPLES SOUGHT IN CHILD ABANDONMENT CASE

Toronto - Officials are seeking two Brampton, Ontario area couples after it was confirmed that they left for a decadent tour of Italy on Tuesday - without their children.

"It's absolutely shocking." noted Chucky Burritto of the Children's Aid Society. "The law is quite clear regarding age of majority." he noted. "Still, the oldest child, a daughter, is only 35. You just have to shake your head sometimes."

Friends, Romans contacted the eldest child in question. She had been picked up by authorities after forcing public transit riders to engage in yoga poses in a bus shelter. She later made a statement that not having her mother just a phone call away had sent her over the edge. She thought a few Little Boats and Sun Salutations might help her relax.

"It all just went off the rails somehow." She has stated. "I thought the yoga would help me relax. Then I thought I'd be even more relaxed if everyone was doing it. Next thing I know, I've got an elderly gentleman in a head lock because he won't do Downward Dog and I'm screaming 'OM Goddammit you bastard! OM!' I've never been so ashamed."

Friends, Romans also located another eldest daughter. When asked to comment on this sordid state of affairs, she would only say "I have no parents."

Interpol has alerted airport authorities worldwide. Agents last sighted the two couples at a gelato shop in Florence. The apparent ringleader of the group, who bears a striking resemblance to James Gandolfini, was signing autographs to that effect for unknowing Japanese tourists. The other male was at the gelato counter ordering "something fruity" when a short haired female shocked store patrons by breaking a bottle of San Pellegrino against the wall while declaring "'Mon then Mary. You git that bastard on thi left. This wan's bocces are mine."

Bedlam then ensued. The two couples were last seen heading for the Ponte Vecchio, no doubt to purchase a few sets of leather gloves to prevent the leaving of finger prints during what is sure to be additional criminal activity. More details to follow.