Petty Frustrations

Today was my first day back. It was a little rough, primarily due to a supreme lack of sleep. We had howling winds and lashing rain. I hate wind like that. It goes right through me and makes me feel wrung out.

And my brain just would not calm down. It's like a default mechanism that flips on, that makes me start anticipating and planning when what I really need to do is get to sleep.

And of course, there was Daylight Savings Time.

I went into work all full of good intentions but as usual, my brain just shut down. I don't know what the problem is exactly. I work with great people. I now have quite a fun job and yet most days, my general feeling is "meh." I just can't garner any enthusiasm.

My boss is amazing, so quick and smart, so engaged. Meanwhile I'm fighting the urge to go read Perez Hilton. I wish I could shake this feeling and feel less detached. I care about my work and want to do well. I just care about other work more I suppose. In many ways, I think I'm subconsciously resisting the recalibration in my department. By no means do I want my boss' responsibilities. I think my brain just doesn't want to learn another new job. Again. I need to get around this somehow.

On the up side, I've been feeling better physically than I have in ages. I think my iron and vitamin D are both finally approaching meaningful levels. It's the only thing that makes sense to me as an explanation, well that and getting a vacation, but this feeling of wellness is more in my bones, not the relaxed veil of detachment a week off the grid can bring. Long may it continue.

For I can only hope it remains as I go back on Wednesday for my first work out in a month. I'm still enjoying my fitness program, but my last workout was tough. It's nice though to feel myself making progress, to have clothes now hanging slack where I used to fill them.

But I still think that elliptical machine's gonna be a killah.