Ups and Downs

I'm beginning to feel better.

It started with the vitamins I ordered. They came in last Friday and I've been taking them religiously ever since. I've been taking a multi-vitamin and a supplement called 5-HTP which is a natural precursor to serotonin. Work is still ballistic, but I feel less frantic about things and feel like I can think. Maybe I just needed a good b-complex shore up to handle my stress a little better. At any rate, I woke up this morning at 7 a.m. and it was the first in weeks where I slept right through the night. So maybe I'm on to something.

I think I've almost recovered from my IFOA outings, which I'll be sure to tell you about. I know I still need to post Remembrance of Things Chinguacousy and a recounting of my road trip from late August. I consider this blog like a Billy Connoly monologue. I get round to things eventually.

Still a little sad this week though. I saw our neighbour at lunch today (I had popped home for a bite.) Her husband passed away suddenly a week ago Sunday. It was a massive heart attack. I was watching a movie downstairs and saw the siren lights. I immediately thought of him and was praying it wasn't. I looked out the window just in time to see the paramedics heading in next door.

Time just went on and I knew that wasn't good. I knew that meant they were trying to resuscitate someone. The Marine and I felt like idiots, wanting to know what was going on and at the same time, not wanting to appear obvious about. I looked out our front door peep hole and there were the paramedics putting a covered body into the van. Just as I saw this, his wife just started screaming. It was one of the most awful things I've ever heard, just pure and unadulterated pain.

The next evening I took over a card from myself and the Marine. Her sons were out on the porch, one of whom I'd met the night we got our offer on our house accepted. He and his Dad had invited us next door for a drink and they told us about the house. It was just so lovely and I remembered having such a good feeling about moving to the neighbourhood.

I just asked to drop off the card and he said "Oh no. Come in. She'd love to see you." We went into their basement door via the front and there she was sitting with her family, just staring into space. But when her son called to her and she saw me, she actually smiled. I just said "I am so sorry." and gave her a hug and a kiss. Such a sad thing. They'd been in that house together 30 years, had raised their family there.

I will never get by the "one minute your here, the next your not" nature of death. She woke up with him in the morning and in the evening he was gone.

So when I saw her today, she looked ok. She looked as well as you can expect a woman who has just lost her husband of God knows how long to look. It was another good reminder of how truly short life is, which is why I'm going to keep on trucking with my depression recovery plan.