Avoiding Corn in Canada

The above title is the name of a web page I bookmarked pertaining to food allergies, specifically (wait for it!) corn.

Almost a year ago I went to see an allergist. My visit to his office was like a living breathing Woody Allen film. The allergist was pin pricking my back and anointing me with various substance oils whilst waxing lyrical about Carl Jung.

After waiting a while, he then declared that I was sensitive to the following foods:

Wheat
Corn
Oats
Nightshade vegetables - peppers, zucchini, eggplant, potatoes, tomatoes
Ragweed, which includes anything from this plant family such as lettuce, safflower, endive and chicory as well as lavendar and chamomile.

He felt that my regular eating of these foods was contributing to my sinus infections (8 in less than a year) as my sinus membranes were constantly swollen and inflamed in revolt.

Then I went out to see the receptionist who started writing me out a cheat sheet about what foods were permissible and what foods were restricted. At one point she started writing out the nightshade vegetables and then sneezed violently.

“Oi my goodness.” She declared. “I just have to SAY peppahs and I’m reactin’.”

She handed me my list and we made a follow up appointment. I couldn’t help but feel despondent.

"Great," I thought. "one more annoying food issue to contend with."

I've always found dealing with food difficult. I've struggled with my weight all my life. And food is particularly troublesome because it's not like booze or workaholism. You can stop drinking or working too much. You HAVE to eat.

I’m now at the point where my eating of the "wrong" foods can cause immediate physical symptoms. They can be as benign as a sneezing fit or headache or as bad as joint pain and dizziness. It's essentially all hangover, no drinkin'.

And oats. OATS? What dulcet angel of the heavens thought that one up? I'm Scottish for Chrissakes. It's like a Hawaiian being allergic to pineapple!

I suppose this is all on my mind because I recently started a new job. With all due respect to my previous employers, I finally have a role where I do not have to check my brain at the door. It's quite the opposite in fact. People are actually expecting me to think and share my ideas.

I feel a happiness creeping into my bones I've not felt in a very long time. For the last few years, I've felt as if I've been in mourning, having to back burner or forget altogether, those early twenty something dreams I had when I was full of piss and vinegar and sure of my place in the world. I suppose naiveté is both a blessing and curse at that age.

What had I planned for myself? Oh fame, riches and a creative way of making a living. Then it all started crumbling away. I went to acting school in New York City and despite a good year I didn't get invited back. No degree for me. By then I'd dropped out of university and it just didn't occur to me to go back. So I went to work. A secretarial job was ok, because I could still audition and it wasn't going to last forever anyway. Why think about "a career"? I knew exactly what I wanted to do.

Then I started getting tired holding down a full time job and trying to get to a 3 p.m. audition call looking like a hippy. Then I just started getting tired. Period. On my 28th birthday I ended up collapsing. It was 16 months later before I got back to work.

Now I know what you're thinking. What the hell has all of this to do with corn?

Stay with me.

Throw in a few good heart breaks. Add a dash of new home, a tranny and engine blow out, and a very sick cat all of which I had no financial capacity to respond to and by New Year 2005, I had baked myself a really good clusterf*ck cake.

I made the decision then that my life needed to change. I wasn't going to wait anymore for the movie deal with Dreamworks to happen before I would allow myself to be happy. I wasn’t going to paddle up Niagara Falls in a canoe trying to be creative when basic aspects of my life weren’t even remotely satisfying. Instead, I decided to focus on what was bothering me at that moment and what was bothering me big time was 12 years and counting of going into work every day constrained by everyone else’s lowered expectations of me.

A major resume rehash, feedback from dear friends, work with a career coach and frankly, a gold plated pair of cahones later, I have in the past month landed a great job.

"But Zesty?" you ask "What about the corn?"

Patience.

I work in a creative district in Toronto called Liberty Village. My first day of work I sat in a local coffee haunt called The Roastery and had lunch. I thought to myself "Please. Nobody pinch me if I'm dreaming." I just couldn't believe I'd made a new career happen for myself.

I've gone to the Roastery a lot since I started. It's a weakness of mine. When I feel overwhelmed I drop good habits like making my lunch everyday and with new my job, I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed.

Since I don't make my lunch, I usually have to get a sandwich made from wheat bread. Or there may be a corn product in their food I don't know about. Of course, my sinuses have been sending warning shots.

"We know you're eating foods you're allergic too. We shall be merciless in our vengeance if you don't stop. BWAH! HA! HA!"

But one day in my second week it was so hot that on my way back from lunch, I got a Hagen Daas popsicle. Ice cream is something I rarely eat. But I got the popsicle, sat under a tree, burned in the heat and enjoyed every moment of icy vanilla and chocolaty goodness. It was probably corn sweetened. I didn't care. I just needed to savour the moment. I just wanted to grab a bit of summer for myself and for the first time in way too long, feel like I had accomplished something. Anything other than just getting by, just keeping my head above water working a crappy job, getting paid crappy money, and having my intelligence insulted for the privilege.

But I also realized then that if I could make a career change happen, why couldn't I make other changes elsewhere? I started thinking seriously about, well, Avoiding Corn in Canada. If I put in the same time and effort, why couldn't I be successful? I could make a meaningful effort to avoid foods I'm sensitive to and my body would heal. And maybe if I started taking better care of myself, I'd fit in my size 10 clothes again.

Maybe there are a few more lucky apples left for me to pick.

Works for me. I'm not allergic to apples