I'll Be Back

Hi y'all. Long time, no blog. I know, I know.

It hasn't been on purpose, trust.

I'm off to Glasgow in a week so when I return, I plan to get back into things here.

Chipping Away

I haven't been here much and haven't been reading much online either. I don't mean for this to happen, but sometimes my schedule allows for work, workouts, a facebook posting and that's about it. Plus, as I've been making my way out of depression and into a different and frankly, more normal way of living, I find I'm more inclined to get out and get groceries, read a good book, or see a friend for brunch or dinner. I feel as if I'm becoming a part of the world again, versus hiding from it or trying to make it smaller and more manageable, and I just want to take time for myself. I need to get my house in order, literally and metaphorically and it's going to take a while to balance things out.

I find it comes down to little things, chipping away at it, maintaining consistency and then adding just a little bit more as time goes by. I'm now working out with my trainer three times plus doing additional cardio at least twice every week. This past week I started following an eating plan and buying groceries in advance so I could bring all my meals to work in a cooler. The money it's saving is ridiculous. I've started doing a little bit of cleaning every night instead of letting things build up and it turning into a massive undertaking. Not that you can see the difference, but I feel it, and that's what counts.

The Marine is about 2 weeks away from finishing the basement. I went down and had a look tonight and it's truly amazing what he's accomplished on his own.

And I'm now a red head.

My Latest Work

A post is enroute, but in the meantime, I thought I would post my latest voice over work. It was a privilege to be associated with a book of such caliber.

People's Parties

All the people at this party
They've got a lot of style
They've got stamps of many countries
They've got passport smiles
Some are friendly
Some are cutting
Some are watching it from the wings
Some are standing in the centre
Giving to get something

Photo Beauty gets attention
Then her eye paint's running down
She's got a rose in her teeth
And a lampshade crown
One minute she's so happy
Then she's crying on someone's knee
Saying laughing and crying
You know it's the same release

I told you when I met you
I was crazy
Cry for us all Beauty
Cry for Eddie in the corner
Thinking he's nobody
And Jack behind his joker
And stone-cold Grace behind her fan
And me in my frightened silence
Thinking I don't understand

I feel like I'm sleeping
Can you wake me?
You seem to have a broader sensibility
I'm just living on nerves and feelings
With a weak and a lazy mind
And coming to peoples parties
Fumbling deaf dumb and blind

I wish I had more sense of humor
Keeping the sadness at bay
Throwing the lightness on these things
Laughing it all away
Laughing it alI away
Laughing it all away

~ Joni Mitchell

Books, Reps, Discomfort

I'm trying to get back into a groove writing here, even though I don't feel I have much to say at the moment. The discipline of regular writing is important to me. In fact it's the reason I even started this blog, with the hope that one day, the random thoughts and musings I post here would morph into the wherewithal to do a book.

I'm beginning to feel that this is the year for that to happen and that I can begin the process of cobbling something together. I have so many ideas swirling around in my head, that I don't really know where to begin, so the second challenge will be focusing my efforts on the actual story to tell.

My workout today went much better for me. I suppose they're mundane to read about, but for me it's important to note them. They do feel monumental at times, getting through a session where my muscles are burning and I don't think I can do one more rep, but then I do it anyway, only to rest a bit so I can do another set all over again.

I remember in the fall driving home after work one night and thinking to myself that this was really my time, that I was actually going to meet my physical goals. I felt mentally prepared for the challenge and after meeting my new trainer, just had a gut feeling that we were sympatico and that he was the person who had the knowledge to get me where I wanted to be, just like my
previous trainer was the right person at the right time as well. She really helped me get my head around the notion that physically, I was a lot stronger than I thought. And when she left my club, it was a real surrender of control for me to trust her judgement and refer me to a new trainer. Usually I'd be setting up a series of interviews.

Now I'm in unfamiliar territory. I'm not fit yet, or even overly strong, but I'm the strongest I've ever been and it feels good, but strange. I can feel parts of my psyche kicking and screaming in protest, making me stop when I probably could go on, making me doubt myself before I even try. It's amazing how patterns of behavior and thought can take you over.

I'm just trying to take pride in my accomplishments thus far and to a great degree, get comfortable with being uncomfortable. I' have a lot further to go, so I better get used to the concept. These biceps ain't curling themselves.

Lurching Into January

"A long December
and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last." ~ Counting Crows

December was a knuckle down kind of month for me. I found myself tired and a bit melancholy at the end of November, but despite this, some of the Christmas cheer got through to me, and I had a nice holiday.

Work was relentless and so were my workouts, but I kept going as I always do. The Marine made good progress on the basement and we are almost there. I even bought a Christmas tree as I blasted through all my shopping on the 24th, which is the way to go if you know exactly what you want to get and where. I don't think I waited in line more than five minutes anywhere I went and the presents seemed to go down very well with everyone, which always makes me happy.

I even had time to do a CD compilation, something I try to do every year, but don't always get to and certainly didn't last year. [If you want one let me know.] People seemed to have really appreciated this more personal kind of gift in the sense that it's a little more reflective of me. I'd been working on it since October, first choosing about 25 songs, then whittling the list down to CD length and redoing the order once the transitions were what I wanted.

I also discovered in December that my iron stores had gotten too low again, and this time my doctor put me on prescription iron supplements, something no other doctor has done. Two weeks later, I'm starting to feel a big difference and I'm no longer panting at the top of a flight of stairs as if I had just sprinted up them.

All that being said, my work out didn't go too well today. I woke up feeling tired and "buggy", as if I was fighting something off. I ended up cutting my workout short, something I've never done before. I'd just had it and felt as if my pilot light was out. I'm hoping that a couple of good night's sleeps helps rectify the situation.

I also cleaned off the bomb site that was my desk today and feel overall that I'm getting back on top of things. It was a nice feeling after a weekend out with friends at brunches and movies and the like. I hadn't had such a fun weekend in a long time. I was also able to buy jeans that were one size smaller. Progress, however small, is always nice.

And well, that's me then.

Happy New Year

Well, it's been a while, I know. I'm hoping to get back in the swing of things here shortly.

Hope 2010 is good to ya.