Well I didn't get the part. Had a lovely call from the director yesterday. Essentially, I look too OLD. LOL!
First time in my life this has ever happened. I'm in my late thirties and still get carded on occasion.
But she said that she had gotten quite a lot of talented young actors [and frankly, the show is a "young" show] and it was a presentation thing as much as talent, something I completely understood. She said my audition was "beautiful", that I was very talented and she'd love to work with me in the future.
Hey, I've had worse rejections.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Typing, Early Morning
Ended up getting a callback and did that Saturday. Seemed to go well but things are in the laps of the Gods at this point. There will be something else if this doesn't work out. I went to a series of readings yesterday at the same theatre company and participated in one as well. Ended up having to pinch hit at the last minute, reading the part of Raymond, the protagonist's gay Latino friend. Despite the cold [why is it that every community theatre in this city has NO heating whatsoever?] it was a very enjoyable afternoon with some great writing and performances.
I have to admit though that it was a bit exhausting. It was a tough week, then I had a Saturday of moving furniture at my folks house, then the call back, then readings yesterday. I was ready for my weekend to start at about 6 p.m. last night. But by the same token, I like keeping busy with things other than my day job. It helps me to feel I have a life of work I care about, even if it only asserts itself periodically.
And certainly, obtaining that feeling is a major accomplishment these days. I find myself once again in the early hours, typing away because I can't sleep. I couldn't tell you the last time I slept right through the night, from dark to light. It's literally been years.
And yet I get up, grab a quick look at my work calendar and it doesn't all seem as overwhelming as it did initially and I wonder why I felt stressed. I'm sure things will get better and no doubt the last while has been particular in its challenges. Fortunately, the fall out from the lay off has been minimal. Still, there was the odd icy glance at the last departmental meeting.
I can't worry about that. I simply have to respect the fact that some people did like my fellow employee. No doubt, however, they were presented with a very different side then I or my predeccessor encountered. Part of me really wants to sit them down and tell them how really really bad it was.
Corporate politics. Fun times.
I have to admit though that it was a bit exhausting. It was a tough week, then I had a Saturday of moving furniture at my folks house, then the call back, then readings yesterday. I was ready for my weekend to start at about 6 p.m. last night. But by the same token, I like keeping busy with things other than my day job. It helps me to feel I have a life of work I care about, even if it only asserts itself periodically.
And certainly, obtaining that feeling is a major accomplishment these days. I find myself once again in the early hours, typing away because I can't sleep. I couldn't tell you the last time I slept right through the night, from dark to light. It's literally been years.
And yet I get up, grab a quick look at my work calendar and it doesn't all seem as overwhelming as it did initially and I wonder why I felt stressed. I'm sure things will get better and no doubt the last while has been particular in its challenges. Fortunately, the fall out from the lay off has been minimal. Still, there was the odd icy glance at the last departmental meeting.
I can't worry about that. I simply have to respect the fact that some people did like my fellow employee. No doubt, however, they were presented with a very different side then I or my predeccessor encountered. Part of me really wants to sit them down and tell them how really really bad it was.
Corporate politics. Fun times.
Friday, October 24, 2008
The Employee From Hell
My recent experience at the office has taught me a lot, about myself and about being a manager. Next time, there are a few things I’ll definitely do differently. But if there’s one thing I’ve gotten out of this experience, it’s that you always need to trust your gut.
Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart once noted that he didn't know how to define pornography, "but I know it when I see it.” So to paraphrase, “I don’t know how to define when someone is fucking with you, but I know it when I feel it.”
And that, I think, is the most important aspect of this whole experience. Despite recognizing genuine talent, going out of my way to advocate for this person, trying to engage them, giving them the benefit of the doubt, recognizing that they struggled interpersonally, trying to help them and provide them with extra opportunity to showcase their skills, despite all of that, I still always felt fucked with.
So I write this list with two purposes in mind.
Take a long hard look at yourself. If you’re engaging in any of these behaviors, stop, because you’re genuinely jeopardizing your career progression.
Conversely, if you hate your boss and want to drive them insane, consider this a field guide.
HOW TO BE AN EMPLOYEE FROM HELL
When your new boss arrives, don’t go out of your way to give them an overview of what you do. Don’t help them to get oriented or up to speed. Conduct yourself in such a way that they have to ask you about how to do or find every thing.
This goes for meetings and emails too. Only tell your boss so much so that when questions arise, you can jump in with more detail. People won’t think your new boss is dumb. They’ll see you as passive aggressive and wonder why in the hell you didn’t debrief your boss on such basic facts their newness obviously prevented them from knowing in the first place.
If your new boss got the job you wanted, by all means utilize both the above to demonstrate to everyone that you can’t see the big picture and aren’t a team player. The fact that your new boss just answered a job ad is beside the point. Make the impersonal, personal.
At the outset, outline for your boss what your expectations and entitlements are. Never ask your boss what their expectations are of you. You’re not planning on meeting any of them anyway.
Work late, absolutely insane hours despite your boss’ repeated requests that you not do this. Ignore your boss when they offer to help you to prioritize tasks or to renegotiate deadlines with your stakeholders. By doing this, you clearly demonstrate that not only can you not accept even basic direction, but that you’re not good at managing your current workload effectively.
If you do work late, send your boss or cc them on a bunch of emails they’ll then have to go through the next morning. After all, they've just headed home the night before thinking they're on top of things. 20-25 emails is a good range. Make a particular point of doing this during their first two months on the job. It will make an already overwhelming scenario for them feel that much worse. When your boss raises this with you say “but I thought you wanted me to keep you informed?”
When you do ask for your boss’ help, make sure it’s to get tasks you don’t want to do or that you feel are beneath you off your plate. If your boss proposes an alternate solution, particularly one that means either they’ll take over the work or that doesn’t give you the solution you wanted, refuse this option outright and say it was no big deal after all. Make a particularly point of reacting this way when your boss has taken extra time out of their schedule to meet with people and address the issue for you.
If your boss asks you to look into an issue, ignore them.
When your boss sets clear expectations, in writing no less, about new processes, ignore them.
When your boss reminds you of the new process expectations and expects compliance, act like a four year old that just got their lolly pop stolen.
Have no listening skills whatsoever. Cultivate a complete inability to change with the ebb and flow of a conversation. Stay focused on what you need to get out of the conversation. Don’t ever ask anyone else if they have any ideas and if they do, only entertain the ones that meet your needs.
By no means treat everyone you work with the same. Always remain friendly and helpful towards senior executives, the staff affiliated with them and anybody you don’t have to do too much direct work with. Always make sure these people’s needs are met. Never worry if your boss or your immediate co-workers’ needs are met.
Turn process decisions your boss makes into personal attacks. Make it clear that you can’t appreciate that processes and roles sometimes need to be clarified. When your projects have gone completely off the rails and your boss steps in to make sure people stay focused on the issues rather than on personalities [i.e. YOU], accuse your boss of “taking things from me!” Stomping around your office, flailing your arms and yelling “Just give me SOMETHING!” loud enough for everyone to hear is also effective.
Never apologize for the above to your boss. But apologize to your boss’ boss. Continue working with your immediate boss as if the incident never happened.
Interpret the fact that your big ideas don’t get implemented as stifling your creativity. Ignore the pesky factors of available time, resources or budget that your boss has to evaluate.
Make sure that when your boss schedules update meetings that are meant to be quick check ins, that you take up the majority of the time asking your boss to justify why things are being done a certain way under the guise of “just wanting to understand.” By no means, schedule a separate, more convenient time for your boss to have this conversation.
Speaking of meetings, always be late for them. Always. Eventually your boss will just start meetings without you.
When you finally do get let go, make a point of telling the HR person how unsupported you were.
Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart once noted that he didn't know how to define pornography, "but I know it when I see it.” So to paraphrase, “I don’t know how to define when someone is fucking with you, but I know it when I feel it.”
And that, I think, is the most important aspect of this whole experience. Despite recognizing genuine talent, going out of my way to advocate for this person, trying to engage them, giving them the benefit of the doubt, recognizing that they struggled interpersonally, trying to help them and provide them with extra opportunity to showcase their skills, despite all of that, I still always felt fucked with.
So I write this list with two purposes in mind.
Take a long hard look at yourself. If you’re engaging in any of these behaviors, stop, because you’re genuinely jeopardizing your career progression.
Conversely, if you hate your boss and want to drive them insane, consider this a field guide.
HOW TO BE AN EMPLOYEE FROM HELL
When your new boss arrives, don’t go out of your way to give them an overview of what you do. Don’t help them to get oriented or up to speed. Conduct yourself in such a way that they have to ask you about how to do or find every thing.
This goes for meetings and emails too. Only tell your boss so much so that when questions arise, you can jump in with more detail. People won’t think your new boss is dumb. They’ll see you as passive aggressive and wonder why in the hell you didn’t debrief your boss on such basic facts their newness obviously prevented them from knowing in the first place.
If your new boss got the job you wanted, by all means utilize both the above to demonstrate to everyone that you can’t see the big picture and aren’t a team player. The fact that your new boss just answered a job ad is beside the point. Make the impersonal, personal.
At the outset, outline for your boss what your expectations and entitlements are. Never ask your boss what their expectations are of you. You’re not planning on meeting any of them anyway.
Work late, absolutely insane hours despite your boss’ repeated requests that you not do this. Ignore your boss when they offer to help you to prioritize tasks or to renegotiate deadlines with your stakeholders. By doing this, you clearly demonstrate that not only can you not accept even basic direction, but that you’re not good at managing your current workload effectively.
If you do work late, send your boss or cc them on a bunch of emails they’ll then have to go through the next morning. After all, they've just headed home the night before thinking they're on top of things. 20-25 emails is a good range. Make a particular point of doing this during their first two months on the job. It will make an already overwhelming scenario for them feel that much worse. When your boss raises this with you say “but I thought you wanted me to keep you informed?”
When you do ask for your boss’ help, make sure it’s to get tasks you don’t want to do or that you feel are beneath you off your plate. If your boss proposes an alternate solution, particularly one that means either they’ll take over the work or that doesn’t give you the solution you wanted, refuse this option outright and say it was no big deal after all. Make a particularly point of reacting this way when your boss has taken extra time out of their schedule to meet with people and address the issue for you.
If your boss asks you to look into an issue, ignore them.
When your boss sets clear expectations, in writing no less, about new processes, ignore them.
When your boss reminds you of the new process expectations and expects compliance, act like a four year old that just got their lolly pop stolen.
Have no listening skills whatsoever. Cultivate a complete inability to change with the ebb and flow of a conversation. Stay focused on what you need to get out of the conversation. Don’t ever ask anyone else if they have any ideas and if they do, only entertain the ones that meet your needs.
By no means treat everyone you work with the same. Always remain friendly and helpful towards senior executives, the staff affiliated with them and anybody you don’t have to do too much direct work with. Always make sure these people’s needs are met. Never worry if your boss or your immediate co-workers’ needs are met.
Turn process decisions your boss makes into personal attacks. Make it clear that you can’t appreciate that processes and roles sometimes need to be clarified. When your projects have gone completely off the rails and your boss steps in to make sure people stay focused on the issues rather than on personalities [i.e. YOU], accuse your boss of “taking things from me!” Stomping around your office, flailing your arms and yelling “Just give me SOMETHING!” loud enough for everyone to hear is also effective.
Never apologize for the above to your boss. But apologize to your boss’ boss. Continue working with your immediate boss as if the incident never happened.
Interpret the fact that your big ideas don’t get implemented as stifling your creativity. Ignore the pesky factors of available time, resources or budget that your boss has to evaluate.
Make sure that when your boss schedules update meetings that are meant to be quick check ins, that you take up the majority of the time asking your boss to justify why things are being done a certain way under the guise of “just wanting to understand.” By no means, schedule a separate, more convenient time for your boss to have this conversation.
Speaking of meetings, always be late for them. Always. Eventually your boss will just start meetings without you.
When you finally do get let go, make a point of telling the HR person how unsupported you were.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Purple Wisdom
How old are we really?" asks Prince, who turned 50 in June. "It's about ascension. It's not the other way. There's nothing down about it. Everything is better."
As an example, he points to the 21-night run in London: "I couldn't have sold out 21 nights in London in the peak of my career; it would have been an impossibility," he says.
"I look forward to these years where everything is just open sky. I wish this for every artist: freedom."
Schtuff
So, it's been interesting.
The last little while.
Came back from vacation to find out that a fellow employee was being deprived of their job. That went down a week ago. I'm now dealing with the fall out of that in that I'm completely on my own. My wonderful intern is in NYC on a school trip. Tellingly enough, despite the overload of work, it's really not bad at all. I actually know what's going on and can plan things, because I don't have to worry anymore about a somebody who may get engaged if they think it's a good idea. Some co-workers have asked me how I'm doing and I've replied, "really busy, but better." And they just smile knowingly and nod in understanding. I take solace from the fact that I'm not a voice in the wilderness on this one.
Dealing with the aftermath this past week or so, it's struck me as amazing, just amazing how some people can suck the life right out of you. I'm not talking about people just not clicking, the dynamics of a friendship changing or stopping altogether, integrating some one's difficult circumstance into your own life. No, I'm talking about chronic self-absorption, a narcissism on such a level that it's a black hole consuming all around it, a force so unto itself that it never occurs to the person that needs other than their own matter.
More on this later.
Had a good audition last week. Hopefully I'll get a call back. But you know, work is busy and I want to get on top of my writing and reading more, so no major tears if nothing comes of it. I do have a reading to do with the same company on Sunday. They apparently do a 24 hour writing festival every year and then an afternoon of readings. One of the ladies at the audition liked my audition and asked if I wanted to participate so I said sure and then got an email from a director. I like to keep busy and it helps my confidence to do these things. I'm really enjoying being in community theatre and I feel ashamed I was such a snob about it for so long. There's some really great work going on. Hell, I've seen shows that have been better than some other so called "professional" productions.
Have booked a meeting. More to come. I don't want to jinx anything so I'll keep quiet for now.
Also feel fully recovered and plan to hit the gym. AGAIN. The never ending story of never ending work outs that never really change anything. But I go. Cause it's good for me even if I'm not losing weight.
I suppose.
The last little while.
Came back from vacation to find out that a fellow employee was being deprived of their job. That went down a week ago. I'm now dealing with the fall out of that in that I'm completely on my own. My wonderful intern is in NYC on a school trip. Tellingly enough, despite the overload of work, it's really not bad at all. I actually know what's going on and can plan things, because I don't have to worry anymore about a somebody who may get engaged if they think it's a good idea. Some co-workers have asked me how I'm doing and I've replied, "really busy, but better." And they just smile knowingly and nod in understanding. I take solace from the fact that I'm not a voice in the wilderness on this one.
Dealing with the aftermath this past week or so, it's struck me as amazing, just amazing how some people can suck the life right out of you. I'm not talking about people just not clicking, the dynamics of a friendship changing or stopping altogether, integrating some one's difficult circumstance into your own life. No, I'm talking about chronic self-absorption, a narcissism on such a level that it's a black hole consuming all around it, a force so unto itself that it never occurs to the person that needs other than their own matter.
Had a good audition last week. Hopefully I'll get a call back. But you know, work is busy and I want to get on top of my writing and reading more, so no major tears if nothing comes of it. I do have a reading to do with the same company on Sunday. They apparently do a 24 hour writing festival every year and then an afternoon of readings. One of the ladies at the audition liked my audition and asked if I wanted to participate so I said sure and then got an email from a director. I like to keep busy and it helps my confidence to do these things. I'm really enjoying being in community theatre and I feel ashamed I was such a snob about it for so long. There's some really great work going on. Hell, I've seen shows that have been better than some other so called "professional" productions.
Have booked a meeting. More to come. I don't want to jinx anything so I'll keep quiet for now.
Also feel fully recovered and plan to hit the gym. AGAIN. The never ending story of never ending work outs that never really change anything. But I go. Cause it's good for me even if I'm not losing weight.
I suppose.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Bouncing Back
All I can say right now about today is that it's a new beginning. Cinder blocks of stress have fallen off my shoulders and I am grateful. Also have another audition tomorrow night. Here's to another winter of rehearsals.
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
So
There's been a lot going on lately and that, combined with hip pain isn't helping me right now in terms of regular blog updating. I have so much in my head to write about, but these days, I fizzle out like a day old glass of cola by the time I get home.
I seem to be going through a period of intense learning. This year so far has brought a lot of change and challenge, some good and some difficult, but all ultimately beneficial to my sense of peace with myself.
I'm sorting things out. Bear with me.
I seem to be going through a period of intense learning. This year so far has brought a lot of change and challenge, some good and some difficult, but all ultimately beneficial to my sense of peace with myself.
I'm sorting things out. Bear with me.
Thursday, October 02, 2008
An Apology and Da Humah
I'm sorry I haven't written much. So much has been going on that I don't know where to begin.
And with the stress of everything, my hip has been killing me. KILLING ME Romanship.
So I will get back into the groove soon. And on the upswing, I submitted samples of the play I'm working on to a local theatre company's new writing festival. Who knows if anything will come of it? But I'm definitely feeling more creative than I have in years.
While we wait to get back to more regular blog entries, a joke:
A Catholic Priest, an Indian Doctor, a rich Chinese Businessman and a Scotsman were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.
The Scot fumed, 'What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!'
The Indian Doctor chimed in, 'I don't know, but I've never seen such poor golf!'
The Chinese Businessman called out 'Move it, time is money'
The Catholic Priest said, 'Here comes George the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.'
'Hello, George!', said the Catholic Priest, 'What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?'
George the greens keeper replied, 'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.'
The group fell silent for a moment.
The Catholic Priest said, 'That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.'
The Indian Doctor said, 'Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them.'
The Chinese Businessman replied, 'I think I'll donate $50,000 to the fire-fighters in honor of these brave souls.'
The Scot said, 'Why the fuck can't they play at night?
Props to Pappa Barney for provision of the joke!
And with the stress of everything, my hip has been killing me. KILLING ME Romanship.
So I will get back into the groove soon. And on the upswing, I submitted samples of the play I'm working on to a local theatre company's new writing festival. Who knows if anything will come of it? But I'm definitely feeling more creative than I have in years.
While we wait to get back to more regular blog entries, a joke:
A Catholic Priest, an Indian Doctor, a rich Chinese Businessman and a Scotsman were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.
The Scot fumed, 'What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!'
The Indian Doctor chimed in, 'I don't know, but I've never seen such poor golf!'
The Chinese Businessman called out 'Move it, time is money'
The Catholic Priest said, 'Here comes George the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.'
'Hello, George!', said the Catholic Priest, 'What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?'
George the greens keeper replied, 'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.'
The group fell silent for a moment.
The Catholic Priest said, 'That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.'
The Indian Doctor said, 'Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them.'
The Chinese Businessman replied, 'I think I'll donate $50,000 to the fire-fighters in honor of these brave souls.'
The Scot said, 'Why the fuck can't they play at night?
Props to Pappa Barney for provision of the joke!
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