Heh!

This is a picture I took of a T.V. I'm selling on Craigslist. I'm hoping to get 20-30 bucks for it. It's a great little set and I'm a bit attached because I bought it in New York and lugged in back to my dorm room on public transit.

Amazing the bullsh*t you'll put up with when you're young.

It saved my sanity, that's for sure.

But I thought this picture was rather funny. I think this was actually a serious moment in the show, but the man's expression is more along the lines of "The pink pills stop me from strippin!"

The Inner Battle of F*ckery Doo

When I went to go see the psychic lady in January, she mentioned something to me at the time that has more resonance now.

She said that I was one of those people who wouldn’t be successful or really happy doing something else other than what I was really passionate about and talented at doing. She said that ultimately, an artist is what I was and that to be off of that path would be disaster for me.

She talked about how she was in finance and business for years, would work her ass off and was well liked and yet never seemed to get any promotion or career progression. She said it’s because she was born to do what she does [i.e. readings, and I think she’s right] and that ultimately, fate wasn’t going to cooperate until she acknowledged that and went in that direction.

Acknowledgement isn’t my issue. But with a mortgage to pay, it’s the doing part that’s somewhat cumbersome.

And yet today, I had one of the most demoralizing days I think I’ve ever had at work and it had everything to do with what the psychic was talking about before. I had tucked her sliver of insight away in my brain like a bay leaf in a spice cupboard, only to realize it’s the key to the whole recipe.

I vacillate between not wanting to make assumptions and yet having to contend with my perceptions. And my perception, rightly or wrongly, is that I’ve worked my ass off for two years to essentially get nothing in terms of a career boost. Maybe I take things too personally. Maybe I care too much. Maybe this is just a bottomless pit I need to stop shoveling my energy into. Maybe I'm reading too much into things.

But I find myself where I always find myself with every job I’ve ever had; feeling overlooked, overwhelmed and used. And it’s not about anybody else and all about me. I’m what needs to get fixed here.

I have to get back on track. I just don’t know how. I feel like I’ve been off track for 15 years. It’s weird to intimately know a land so fundamentally alien to yourself.

What to do? With my Anemia Brain, there’s not much point trying to figure it out right now.

Esther’s right. Perception is reality.

And on that nugget of insight, nachos for dinner I think Dear Reader.

Going Ons

How was your weekend?

Mine was pretty darn good.

I took Jerry to the vet on Saturday. He’s been acting very anxious and despite the fact that he was climbing on me and digging his claws into my back, he was a very good boy. I should get blood results for him soon.

Why am I telling you this? I have no idea. But I pay no attention to the fact that the blogosphere equivalent of “jumping the shark” is to mention your cat in a blog.

Franklin D. Roosevelt. I have six of them. It’s a minor miracle when they don’t get mentioned!

At any rate, the weekend weather was glorious, about to tip into fall. The air is still warm and the sun low enough to cast a shimmer on everything. Beautiful.

I’m afraid anemia brain has struck. I can’t remember anything else about Saturday.

Sunday I went to the farmer’s market that Ragdoll and I visited last week. I went to the same fruit stall and loaded up on a basket of mixed plums, jersey mac apples and peaches. I then got half a dozen corn cobs, some sweet potato muffins [muffins y’all!] and sheep milk cheddar with chipotle. Seriously, this cheese is Oh.Mah.Guh. and it’s sheep milk, which is basically the only milk I don’t have some kind of sensitivity to. I also got a loaf of wonderful spelt bread and a spelt chocolate chip cookie. Hey, a girl’s gotta live. And all this for $35.00!!!

Then I got a lovely coffee at Balzac’s, went home to enjoy it with my cookie and then proceeded to clean out our fridge. Granted, that took me about two and a half hours, because I frankly just needed to pace myself. Ragdoll called me and I was out of breath, from…you know….moving the egg carton to the right or some shit and she rightly warned me not to over do it. But the fridge needed to be cleaned, and I was happy when it was done.

Then I cleaned the fruit and placed in these lovely bowls my mum bought me from Pottery Barn so it could ripen. Rather artistique, n’est pas?





Then I made the Marine [who had been working] a fine meal of sweet corn on the cob, mashed potatoes and shake ‘n’ bake chicken.

And at the end of it all I was exhausted, but anemia be damned. It was nice to have a day that felt well used, know what I mean jellybeans?

My Genius Knows No Bounds

Due to restructuring, resignations et al, my office has now officially become TQTF.

TQTF = Too Quiet To Fart

From The Garden

Well, I was disappointed in the garden a bit this year, but on the postive side it always gets a little better each season. I think once my energy is that of a normal person and I'm out of Anemiaville, I'll be able to do more of the things I'd like to do with the garden. My goal is nothing short of English Country Gloriana.

In the meantime, here are some pics I took the other day.

This is a Sunflower from a bunch of seeds the Guru gave me a couple of years ago. Every year, they come back stronger than ever. So do the bees! YIKES!



This is a long stemmed rose I transferred from my old apartment garden.



And this is one I bought for four bucks in November last year. This thing has gone CRAZAY this year.



Phlox and Black Eyed Susans - I love the all the girlie plants!



This is a spider I found the other day. It had made a web that was attached on one end to the Marine's bike and to the awning over our back door on the other. It was a tiny little red thing that created this web right next to our BBQ. Was just amazing to look at in real life.

Saw the Sawbones

Well it's official. I have GERD - Gastroesophegal Reflux Disease, anemia and abnormally low Vitamin D.

So may I just say, NO WONDER I've been feeling crappy and decidedly unbloggy the last while. But on the decided upswing, it is all perfectly fixable, which is most excellent. I'm also very glad the low iron was discovered before I started my exercise program. I would have been so discouraged.

Plus I just saw the Oprah show on heart disease. Scared the crap outta me. I gotta hit that treadmill y'all!

"It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time." - Winston Churchill

How True

From an article on Colm Toibin:

Some people might regard writing as a form of therapy -- the opportunity to exorcise the demons within. Toibin demurs. "It's almost the opposite," he says. "[Writing is] the manipulation of hurt, the holding on to it. The things you could do with it now. And not letting it go because, God, what else is there? You almost solidify things by writing about it, rather than releasing."

I Love This Woman!

So funny.

R.I.P. Little Shauna

Well today ended up being a bit sad. One of the kitties I had at the orphanage had to be put down tonight because his kidneys had essentially begun failing. He was really far gone. Poor little guy. I went to the vet after work to see him to the next place and it was very peaceful.

I'm just thankful that the Marine and I were able to make his last days somewhat bearable. I can't imagine him in that state, starving and on his own.

Some people truly have no heart.

The Hits Just Keep On Comin'!

Brace yersels y'all!

Enjoy

08/21/2007 - Well I had to change the embed on this as the other one got disabled. Still, I LOVE this song!

Thanks to Yaz for the heads up on this. Holla!

Weekend of Meh

Well the car stereo finally got sold on Friday. Knock wood he doesn't bring it back cause the audio place couldn't install it.

I've been bummed most of the weekend and have been battling the urge to consume chocolate 24/7.

I had some really gross barium drink on Friday as part of a stomach test. My doctor thinks I may have GERD, which is causing stomach pain, naseau and to be honest absolutely no appetite. I seriously couldn't tell you the last time I genuinely wanted to eat.

Other than baffling, unending chocolate cravings that is.

I did get to see my parents and my niece on Saturday though. There's always something to pull you through.

Ridiculous, But Funny

HEH!

This is one of the funniest damn things I've seen in quite some time. I want to build an altar to Martin Kunz and worship it daily!

Sizzlin'

Goin’ crazaaaaay,
Goin’ crazaaaaay,
Ooooooooooooooooooooohhhh
From the heat." -- David Lee Roth

This time of year, I feel exactly the same way I do around the first week of March, but instead of begging for some respite from biting winds and ice, my overheated brain wants nothing more than for the cool breezes of fall to blow away the sun smeared toxic fog that hangs over this city like grey wisteria.

I always think I’ll feel differently, that somehow because the environmental trials are heat induced it’s somehow different. It never is. I come to the inevitable conclusion that I hate the extreme heat as much as the extreme cold and I can’t wait until it’s over. Part of me just likes sweaters and early darkness and the enforced calm that winter brings to city living.

But hey, ask me how I feel about that in March.

The last while has felt incredibly lonely. The heat has been unrelenting, my mum was in hospital, Ragdoll was at a work conference, the Duke and I found it hard to connect and the Marine was comatose most nights with having to adapt to his new courier gig.

I feel as if something inside got hollowed out and squished somewhere.

And can we talk about the crazy ass dreaming?

Sunday night I had this crazy dream that had two components. The first was my cat Tweaks, who I don’t have in real life but that I did have in this dream. He’s a long haired ginger cat in case you’re curious. Anyway, in this dream I realize that Tweaks has gone missing and in fact has been missing for quite some time, so I’m frantic.

While looking for Tweaks the Marine and I are in our house that is not our house in real life but is a condo that looks over Lake Ontario. We can hear the rides of the Canadian National Exhibition whirring away and the screams of the riders. In the dream we can see some of the rides just east of us, when in reality the CNE would be in the west.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway, there is a Ferris wheel ride that all of a sudden flies off its hinges, sails into the air and lands right in front of us on the lake. Of course, pandemonium ensues and the Ferris wheel ride looks like a mangled bicycle wheel in a puddle. And while all this is going on, I’m more worried about Tweaks.

The Marine told me yesterday about a dream he had Sunday night too. He was an old man and was living in the Caribbean and taking tourists on catamaran excursions.

“Were you happy?” I asked.

“Very.” He replied.

“Was I with you?”

“Yes” said the Marine. “You were on the beach running the deli.”

Which just proves my point that sometimes, life is baloney.

Sing It With Me Y'all: Hungry, Hungry Hippo!!