I currently have two huge bruises. One is on my right thigh. I'd like to say it was caused by a night of wild abandon with the Marine, but no, I walked into something. A table I think, I can't even remember the incident, just the vague recollection of a sharp shove into my leg as I was walking past something. At some point.
The second is from my iron injection. You can well guess the locale so I shall spare you further details Romanship.
If I'm honest, I feel a bit bruised generally these days. Last week was hard, just an absolute endurance test physically, but somehow I manage to keep going and get my work done and contribute. I take some solace in this, but just. My entire adulthood has felt like this and all I can do is keep going, keep looking and trust that I'll find a way out of it.
I probably shouldn't even be writing this. Yesterday was a bad day, and I'm sure once my iron shot kicks in and I start to feel better, my negativity will seem silly. Yet at the time I experience it, it is overwhelming.
"I've felt like crying all day." I said to the Marine the other night.
"Then why don't you?"
"Cause I'm at the office. I have to keep it together and do my job."
"Then cry now."
Which I don't do, because crying for nothing, crying in the absence of a definitive reason to do so is sometimes too big a line for me to cross. It just doesn't make me feel better a lot of the time. What it makes me feel is crazy.
I struggled to get out of bed by noon yesterday. I then had a nap from about 4-5:30. I was in bed, exhausted, by 9:45 p.m. In the absence of any appetite to speak of, my meals were chocolatey and sugar laden. Usually the sugar rush helps my energy, but yesterday it didn't. My only outing, was to walk amongst the maxed out super sized loving masses at Costco. I love the prices of things there, but Dear Lord Above, we just have way too much in this part of the world. For every great thing you find at Costco, there's at least 10 useless things that I can't imagine anyone really needing. Like a ten pack of multi-edged scissors for scrap booking or the latest "it's all a conspiracy" offering from Kevin Trudeau, maxi sized bbq's that could cook for a hotel and fruit salads in containers big enough to hold a turkey. Who is buying these things?
I slept like a log until about 5 a.m. I managed to get up and get going by 10 this morning, leaving more of the day for me to enjoy. I hate noon wake ups. Too much of the daytime is lost, and I wake up late far too often.
I'm hopeful that by Monday or Tuesday, the iron shot starts to work its magic. From what I've been reading online [cue shudder from M.D's everywhere] it is entirely possible, in fact quite normal to have regular hemoglobin counts and still be feeling like crap if your ferritin counts are low. So I'll do what I can today. I'm going to go out and get the Vitamin C my naturopath wants me to start on and go from there. Hell, I may just buy myself something cause I feel like it. [Emotional shoppers everywhere unite! LOL!]
Sorry to vent. Sometimes I just get tired of smacking on the happy face and pretending everything's fine.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
TGIF
What a week. Fortunately I have a glorious 4 days off coming up that I plan to take full advantage of.
I have my iron shot tomorrow. TENDAH! But hey, if it gives me a normal level of energy, WHO CARES? It was amazing last week. By Sunday my sugar cravings had completely disappeared.
I have my iron shot tomorrow. TENDAH! But hey, if it gives me a normal level of energy, WHO CARES? It was amazing last week. By Sunday my sugar cravings had completely disappeared.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Chirp
A few weeks ago I saw a cardinal for the first time.
I mean this kind:
Not this kind:
I'd always imagined that I'd see a cardinal the way I first saw a blue jay.
The Marine and I were camping at Bon Echo in the fall. I was reading when all of a sudden a blue jay swooped down to take advantage of some peanuts and cheerios we'd scattered for the chipmunks. It took my breath away seeing this beautiful animal, its bright colours seeming so out of place in our Canadian wilderness. That seems a strange thing to say about such a quintessentially Canadian bird, but our birds are typically so practical, and moderate. In other words, utterly Canadian.
I had thought my encounter with a cardinal would be similar, but instead I saw one about two weeks ago, perched on a neighbours antennae as the Marine and I sat in the yard and talked. It was quiet and I only saw the Cardinal because I glanced up.
Then he started chirping and I realized that this little bird has been the source of the glorious bird song I fell in love with two years ago when I first started hearing it. It's been a beacon of spring for me ever since, confirmation that winter is well and truly on the outs.
But as silly as it may sound, I think of this bird as a little signal from God. When I get all wrapped up in my own petty anxieties, usually dreading the day and the obstacle course I've assigned to it, that's usually when I'll hear the cardinal chirping. Sometimes I just lie in bed and listen for a while. I consider its song a direct message from the heavens. Zesty, there is a bigger world, a bigger creation out there. Regardless of its stumbling compassion and mercenary horror, this bird will chirp!
This little bird reminds me to remember the big picture, to be grateful for what I do have, remember my blessings and the victories I have obtained, however little status I may personally assign to them.
It's so funny that in this world of climate-change-this and global-warming-that, high oil prices and recessionary hand wringing, my little neighbourhood is undergoing its own renaissance, increasing its own diversity There was a time, I sense, when something as radical and joyful as my chirping cardinal wouldn't have survived.
Sometimes, it's nice that times do change.
I mean this kind:
Not this kind:
I'd always imagined that I'd see a cardinal the way I first saw a blue jay.
The Marine and I were camping at Bon Echo in the fall. I was reading when all of a sudden a blue jay swooped down to take advantage of some peanuts and cheerios we'd scattered for the chipmunks. It took my breath away seeing this beautiful animal, its bright colours seeming so out of place in our Canadian wilderness. That seems a strange thing to say about such a quintessentially Canadian bird, but our birds are typically so practical, and moderate. In other words, utterly Canadian.
I had thought my encounter with a cardinal would be similar, but instead I saw one about two weeks ago, perched on a neighbours antennae as the Marine and I sat in the yard and talked. It was quiet and I only saw the Cardinal because I glanced up.
Then he started chirping and I realized that this little bird has been the source of the glorious bird song I fell in love with two years ago when I first started hearing it. It's been a beacon of spring for me ever since, confirmation that winter is well and truly on the outs.
But as silly as it may sound, I think of this bird as a little signal from God. When I get all wrapped up in my own petty anxieties, usually dreading the day and the obstacle course I've assigned to it, that's usually when I'll hear the cardinal chirping. Sometimes I just lie in bed and listen for a while. I consider its song a direct message from the heavens. Zesty, there is a bigger world, a bigger creation out there. Regardless of its stumbling compassion and mercenary horror, this bird will chirp!
This little bird reminds me to remember the big picture, to be grateful for what I do have, remember my blessings and the victories I have obtained, however little status I may personally assign to them.
It's so funny that in this world of climate-change-this and global-warming-that, high oil prices and recessionary hand wringing, my little neighbourhood is undergoing its own renaissance, increasing its own diversity There was a time, I sense, when something as radical and joyful as my chirping cardinal wouldn't have survived.
Sometimes, it's nice that times do change.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
Zestosaurus
This past weekend was a mixed bag.
Saturday I dragged myself out of bed and to my naturopath who determined that trying some acupuncture would be a good idea. I'd been wanting to try it and given my ass [or as I like to call "The Great Shadow"] had been following me for weeks, she decided to give it a shot.
It was a somewhat strange sensation. Some spots where the needles were inserted were warm. Others felt like a small weight. I do have to admit though that placebo or not, I did feel substantially more relaxed afterwards. It was a good thing too because I was quite wound up when I got there. The Marine and I had had an argument over - wait for it! - sunglasses.
Oh the stupidity that reigns when people are tired. Sigh.
At any rate, after the naturopath I went to see Ragdoll. She gave me a lovely present from NYC, a small striped bag from The Strand, just perfect for carting around in my purse in case I need a spare carrier.
I also helped Ragdoll hem her pants, because you know, really, I'm Canada's answer to Karl Lagarfeld. Ragdoll seemed pleased enough though and once done, it was off to Walk With Dinosaurs!! YAH!
Poppa Barney was originally supposed to go, but as his leg was bothering him, he offered me the ticket. It was a good chance for me to spend some time with my niece so some logistical mishaps aside, I eventually met up with Rosy, her mother Myrtle and Mama Effie at the Air Canada Centre.
We got our seats and waited. I had thought it would be some kind of statue affair. You know, like walking around looking at life size dinosaur replicas. Instead, it was a full on show featuring animatronic live action dinosaurs.
LIVE ACTION Y'ALL!! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW!
Initially Rosy was a bit hesitant. She was scared. Maybe the dinosaurs would come and get us. I assured her that I was poised and ready for action, but it was to no avail. Finally I said "Look. If I wanted to do a show that kids liked, would I make it scary?"
"Well....no."
"Because the kids wouldn't want to come see it would they?"
"No."
"Because it's scary."
"Yes."
"So if a show is popular with kids, it must not be scary."
"But how do you know?" Rosy asks.
"It's common sense dude." For the record, I love calling my six year old niece "dude."
Then there was an announcement that the role of the paleontologist would be played by so and so. This got Rosy's attention.
"Oh!" says Rosy. "Is that an archeologist?"
"Yes" I replied. "But a special kind. Do you know what a paleontologist studies?"
"No."
"Bones." [I knew that Anthropology 101 course at UofT would come in handy one day!]
"And if he's out there, then the dinosaurs can't be scary can they?" Ah the cold logic of a child.
"No. I don't think so." I replied.
And then the show began. Now I can't really do it justice, so I'll do what any blogger attempting to capture a given moment would do. Go to YouTube.
Now, despite the fact that these are obviously animated models on wheels, you really do suspend your disbelief at this show. It was really well done and not dumbed down at all.
When I was Rosy's age, the big event was Ice Capades fer chrissakes, and the only special effect of note was the collective swinging of the mini flashlights everyone had bought.
Childhood entertainment has certainly come a long way.
Saturday I dragged myself out of bed and to my naturopath who determined that trying some acupuncture would be a good idea. I'd been wanting to try it and given my ass [or as I like to call "The Great Shadow"] had been following me for weeks, she decided to give it a shot.
It was a somewhat strange sensation. Some spots where the needles were inserted were warm. Others felt like a small weight. I do have to admit though that placebo or not, I did feel substantially more relaxed afterwards. It was a good thing too because I was quite wound up when I got there. The Marine and I had had an argument over - wait for it! - sunglasses.
Oh the stupidity that reigns when people are tired. Sigh.
At any rate, after the naturopath I went to see Ragdoll. She gave me a lovely present from NYC, a small striped bag from The Strand, just perfect for carting around in my purse in case I need a spare carrier.
I also helped Ragdoll hem her pants, because you know, really, I'm Canada's answer to Karl Lagarfeld. Ragdoll seemed pleased enough though and once done, it was off to Walk With Dinosaurs!! YAH!
Poppa Barney was originally supposed to go, but as his leg was bothering him, he offered me the ticket. It was a good chance for me to spend some time with my niece so some logistical mishaps aside, I eventually met up with Rosy, her mother Myrtle and Mama Effie at the Air Canada Centre.
We got our seats and waited. I had thought it would be some kind of statue affair. You know, like walking around looking at life size dinosaur replicas. Instead, it was a full on show featuring animatronic live action dinosaurs.
LIVE ACTION Y'ALL!! PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW!
Initially Rosy was a bit hesitant. She was scared. Maybe the dinosaurs would come and get us. I assured her that I was poised and ready for action, but it was to no avail. Finally I said "Look. If I wanted to do a show that kids liked, would I make it scary?"
"Well....no."
"Because the kids wouldn't want to come see it would they?"
"No."
"Because it's scary."
"Yes."
"So if a show is popular with kids, it must not be scary."
"But how do you know?" Rosy asks.
"It's common sense dude." For the record, I love calling my six year old niece "dude."
Then there was an announcement that the role of the paleontologist would be played by so and so. This got Rosy's attention.
"Oh!" says Rosy. "Is that an archeologist?"
"Yes" I replied. "But a special kind. Do you know what a paleontologist studies?"
"No."
"Bones." [I knew that Anthropology 101 course at UofT would come in handy one day!]
"And if he's out there, then the dinosaurs can't be scary can they?" Ah the cold logic of a child.
"No. I don't think so." I replied.
And then the show began. Now I can't really do it justice, so I'll do what any blogger attempting to capture a given moment would do. Go to YouTube.
Now, despite the fact that these are obviously animated models on wheels, you really do suspend your disbelief at this show. It was really well done and not dumbed down at all.
When I was Rosy's age, the big event was Ice Capades fer chrissakes, and the only special effect of note was the collective swinging of the mini flashlights everyone had bought.
Childhood entertainment has certainly come a long way.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
You Need to Inject that Where?
Well I did get a call back on Thursday night, two actually. One was from Sears and the other was from Enbridge Gas. So, no call back for the play, which I have to admit is disappointing, but as my Granny used to say, "What's for you won't go by you, good or bad."
Still, I hate waiting for the phone to ring, and I walked into work on Friday feeling glum and gutted. I'd had a long week of 7:30 a.m. starts, and was into my fourth week of feeling like I was dragging it. It starts to get on your nerves after a while.
Fortunately, we now have summer hours which means that on Fridays, we can leave at noon, assuming the hatches are battened down of course. I'd gotten two major hurdles out of my way last week, which left me a morning to devote to the third. This task had been hanging over my head, feeling almost impossible, yet Friday morning I banged through it and sent it out by 11:30 feeling like a major weight had been lifted.
I headed out about 1 pm, treating myself to a vendor hot dog enroute to the car. There's nothing quite like eating a hot dog in warm weather while the radio's playing. It's such a quintessentially summer thing to do. Despite how much I enjoyed the hot dog, what I enjoyed even more was the freedom to have an afternoon to myself.
I headed over to my vet's to pick up cat food, and it was while I was on my way home, that it occurred to me that I could go get my iron injection that day instead of waiting until Saturday. I'd called the pharmacy and only had to pay the dispensing fee, so I had enough cash for the injection fee at the clinic [I pay a criminally low 7 dollars as I'm a patient of my naturopath's]. So sure enough, they were able to take me. I had just enough time to pick up the iron vials and get there for my appointment.
I filled out the obligatory forms while seated next to another fellow who was hooked up to some sort of machine. I dunno what he was getting, but it seemed intense. There was also some other woman nattering on to no one in particular about how they [the technicians] could be sure her veins hadn't been damaged.
"What do you mean damaged?"
"Damaged! How will you know? You could tear my vein walls!"
"Oh, I think that's quite impossible but if that happens, we will certainly know."
There's always one.
And please keep in mind while all this is going on, I'm being treated to a David Attenborough DVD about the animals of the jungle. We were at the part about insect eating plants.
At last my turn comes, but my assigned nurse asks me to come with her, which made me curious because I figured I would just stay in one of the chairs and get an I.V.
But oh no Dear Reader.
We went into a small room and she closed the door, turned to me and said "Take off your pants."
"Excuse me?"
"For the injection."
"You need to inject this in my butt?"
"Oh yes." She said in a tone that indicated "what other possible way is there for me to do this?"
So of course, I had that internal thing every human being has had when you're asked to do something you can't quite believe you really have to do, the internal "noooooooooooooooooo waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay" as I like to call it.
So I obliged the nurse while she swabbed my left buttock with a fierce smelling alcohol. Me being me, I just had to say "Excuse the view."
She laughed and replied "Oh trust me. I've seen worse."
I'm sure she has, and this woman was certainly on top of her game. The needle felt much like a pinch, nothing more, and then it was all done. Suitably cotton balled and bandaged, I pulled up my pants.
"Remember what side I did so I do the other one next time."
Oh trust me honey. NO DANGER.
Still, I hate waiting for the phone to ring, and I walked into work on Friday feeling glum and gutted. I'd had a long week of 7:30 a.m. starts, and was into my fourth week of feeling like I was dragging it. It starts to get on your nerves after a while.
Fortunately, we now have summer hours which means that on Fridays, we can leave at noon, assuming the hatches are battened down of course. I'd gotten two major hurdles out of my way last week, which left me a morning to devote to the third. This task had been hanging over my head, feeling almost impossible, yet Friday morning I banged through it and sent it out by 11:30 feeling like a major weight had been lifted.
I headed out about 1 pm, treating myself to a vendor hot dog enroute to the car. There's nothing quite like eating a hot dog in warm weather while the radio's playing. It's such a quintessentially summer thing to do. Despite how much I enjoyed the hot dog, what I enjoyed even more was the freedom to have an afternoon to myself.
I headed over to my vet's to pick up cat food, and it was while I was on my way home, that it occurred to me that I could go get my iron injection that day instead of waiting until Saturday. I'd called the pharmacy and only had to pay the dispensing fee, so I had enough cash for the injection fee at the clinic [I pay a criminally low 7 dollars as I'm a patient of my naturopath's]. So sure enough, they were able to take me. I had just enough time to pick up the iron vials and get there for my appointment.
I filled out the obligatory forms while seated next to another fellow who was hooked up to some sort of machine. I dunno what he was getting, but it seemed intense. There was also some other woman nattering on to no one in particular about how they [the technicians] could be sure her veins hadn't been damaged.
"What do you mean damaged?"
"Damaged! How will you know? You could tear my vein walls!"
"Oh, I think that's quite impossible but if that happens, we will certainly know."
There's always one.
And please keep in mind while all this is going on, I'm being treated to a David Attenborough DVD about the animals of the jungle. We were at the part about insect eating plants.
At last my turn comes, but my assigned nurse asks me to come with her, which made me curious because I figured I would just stay in one of the chairs and get an I.V.
But oh no Dear Reader.
We went into a small room and she closed the door, turned to me and said "Take off your pants."
"Excuse me?"
"For the injection."
"You need to inject this in my butt?"
"Oh yes." She said in a tone that indicated "what other possible way is there for me to do this?"
So of course, I had that internal thing every human being has had when you're asked to do something you can't quite believe you really have to do, the internal "noooooooooooooooooo waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay" as I like to call it.
So I obliged the nurse while she swabbed my left buttock with a fierce smelling alcohol. Me being me, I just had to say "Excuse the view."
She laughed and replied "Oh trust me. I've seen worse."
I'm sure she has, and this woman was certainly on top of her game. The needle felt much like a pinch, nothing more, and then it was all done. Suitably cotton balled and bandaged, I pulled up my pants.
"Remember what side I did so I do the other one next time."
Oh trust me honey. NO DANGER.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Merci Ma Chere Ragdoll
For these beautiful pictures from Paris! Yup, no one can ever say this blog ain't classay...
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Inspiration
Here is J.K. Rowling's address to this year's graduating class at Harvard. Nice stuff.
Keep your eyes on the prize y'all!
Keep your eyes on the prize y'all!
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Ferritin, Poetry and One's Art
"If you never let it show
They're never gonna know.
Keep looking." - Sade
Yesterday, I must admit, started off less than auspiciously.
I woke up tired and grumpy and had to go to my doctor’s office to get my latest blood results.
I eventually got in to see my doctor and although my Vitamin D is now normal [YAY!], my iron stores were up a measly four points.
Here is something about dealing with doctors. AD-VO-CATE y’all. I brought up with my doctor the fact that I've been at supplementation for nearly a year and that I'm getting frustrated. I pointed out that my energy is actually starting to get quite good, but right after my you-know-what, I'm exhausted for a good 10-14 days, something that psychologically speaking is starting to wear me down, not to mention the fact that it makes a good, but demanding job hard to cope with.
She was a little dismissive of this at first, pointing out that there are people with much lower iron stores who function fine and my hemoglobin is fine. But she thought I was taking Floradix. I said, no I'm taking Genestra Iron Proteinate, which are 40 mg capsules and I'm taking 3 a day. That's what it's taking to even get a minimal increase of 4 points.
That got her attention, and she agreed to write me a r/x for infufer which is essentially iron dextran. It's injected. My naturopath recommended it and I’m feeling hopeful.
After this appointment I needed to stop at a nearby Starbucks and get a coffee and some food. The coffee was one of the best I’ve had in quite some time. I sat in an armchair as soft as duvet and watched the sky roll by. Such was its beauty that I was compelled to compose a poem on the spot, which brings me to a feature we’ve not had much of lately
FRIEND, ROMANS IS PROUD TO PRESENT ANOTHER INSTALLMENT OF ITS CONTINUING SERIES: POETIC INTERLUDES
I sit and watch a rolling sky
As puffy white and blue eye tinged as a Cottonelle kitten
The clouds go by
If I had a laser I could shoot them all
PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW!!
After my coffee I turned down a side street to call the Marine to let him know my results, which was not a good idea in that my timing was terrible. A CAA truck had just doored his car so he was, needless to say, a little “distracted”.
Ahem.
Then some a**hole was honking me cause I wasn’t turning right soon enough, which just made me want to cry, because when I did try to turn, my car stalled. And I was tired. And I was fed up. Stupid to get upset I know, but I couldn’t help it. There’s just a level of emotional idiocy and me-me-me-ness out there that is at times, unbearable.
And so I got to work [taking the longest scenic route possible I might add] and contemplated my audition that night, an audition that had been hanging over my head like a sword of Damocles for a couple of weeks. I was really nervous about it, because I was thinking that maybe my previous good experience had maybe been a bit of a fluke. And I’m just feeling really sensitive about my weight right now and just not looking or feeling my best. Plus the director of this show has worked at Stratford, so I wasn’t exactly going to be showing my stuff to a lightweight.
Auditioning is the price you pay for getting to act and I find the vulnerability of it unnerving.
And I’m sure I was just a ranking beeyatch for the Marine to live with the last little while, being the stressball that I am.
But reading this yesterday really helped. So I decided to just chill out. I went home, got a hot bath and a nice meal that the Marine made me and then off I went, practicing my monologue again and again as I drove. I got settled in and waited, and the weird thing was that the longer I waited, the calmer I got. I felt genuinely relaxed, something I’ve never really felt before in those circumstances. I remember seeing an interview with Julianna Moore and she talked about relaxation really be the key to good acting, because then you can just be a conduit for the emotions that will naturally surface. Last night I got a glimmer of what she was talking about.
So I finally got called in, met folks [there were about eight people there as they were auditioning for two plays at once] and talked to the director a bit. He asked about my experience and my training and then I got to do my monologue. It was really quiet and I thought oh boy, I think I’m really effing up here. And then I finished and there was this pause and then the director said and I quote: “Wow. That was just excellent.”
[insert HUGE sigh of internal relief here.]
So I said thanks and then they asked me to stay and read from the play. I did that with another actress, who ironically enough was reading the part I wanted, but no matter. After we finished, the director of the other play asked if I was sure I didn’t want to read for that one too, but I just told him that with my workload, the timing would be terrible with the rehearsal schedule. It would be inevitable that there would be some conflict and I wouldn’t want to let the show down.
So I hear by Thursday if I got a call back for Sunday. It’s in the laps of the Gods at this point. I may not get a call back once they see who could work together physically, etc. The point was, I had a good audition and as I fired up the car and started heading home, I actually rolled down the window and yelled to no one in particular “I AM NOT A FLUUUUUUKE!”
PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW!
They're never gonna know.
Keep looking." - Sade
Yesterday, I must admit, started off less than auspiciously.
I woke up tired and grumpy and had to go to my doctor’s office to get my latest blood results.
I eventually got in to see my doctor and although my Vitamin D is now normal [YAY!], my iron stores were up a measly four points.
Here is something about dealing with doctors. AD-VO-CATE y’all. I brought up with my doctor the fact that I've been at supplementation for nearly a year and that I'm getting frustrated. I pointed out that my energy is actually starting to get quite good, but right after my you-know-what, I'm exhausted for a good 10-14 days, something that psychologically speaking is starting to wear me down, not to mention the fact that it makes a good, but demanding job hard to cope with.
She was a little dismissive of this at first, pointing out that there are people with much lower iron stores who function fine and my hemoglobin is fine. But she thought I was taking Floradix. I said, no I'm taking Genestra Iron Proteinate, which are 40 mg capsules and I'm taking 3 a day. That's what it's taking to even get a minimal increase of 4 points.
That got her attention, and she agreed to write me a r/x for infufer which is essentially iron dextran. It's injected. My naturopath recommended it and I’m feeling hopeful.
After this appointment I needed to stop at a nearby Starbucks and get a coffee and some food. The coffee was one of the best I’ve had in quite some time. I sat in an armchair as soft as duvet and watched the sky roll by. Such was its beauty that I was compelled to compose a poem on the spot, which brings me to a feature we’ve not had much of lately
FRIEND, ROMANS IS PROUD TO PRESENT ANOTHER INSTALLMENT OF ITS CONTINUING SERIES: POETIC INTERLUDES
I sit and watch a rolling sky
As puffy white and blue eye tinged as a Cottonelle kitten
The clouds go by
If I had a laser I could shoot them all
PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW!!
After my coffee I turned down a side street to call the Marine to let him know my results, which was not a good idea in that my timing was terrible. A CAA truck had just doored his car so he was, needless to say, a little “distracted”.
Ahem.
Then some a**hole was honking me cause I wasn’t turning right soon enough, which just made me want to cry, because when I did try to turn, my car stalled. And I was tired. And I was fed up. Stupid to get upset I know, but I couldn’t help it. There’s just a level of emotional idiocy and me-me-me-ness out there that is at times, unbearable.
And so I got to work [taking the longest scenic route possible I might add] and contemplated my audition that night, an audition that had been hanging over my head like a sword of Damocles for a couple of weeks. I was really nervous about it, because I was thinking that maybe my previous good experience had maybe been a bit of a fluke. And I’m just feeling really sensitive about my weight right now and just not looking or feeling my best. Plus the director of this show has worked at Stratford, so I wasn’t exactly going to be showing my stuff to a lightweight.
Auditioning is the price you pay for getting to act and I find the vulnerability of it unnerving.
And I’m sure I was just a ranking beeyatch for the Marine to live with the last little while, being the stressball that I am.
But reading this yesterday really helped. So I decided to just chill out. I went home, got a hot bath and a nice meal that the Marine made me and then off I went, practicing my monologue again and again as I drove. I got settled in and waited, and the weird thing was that the longer I waited, the calmer I got. I felt genuinely relaxed, something I’ve never really felt before in those circumstances. I remember seeing an interview with Julianna Moore and she talked about relaxation really be the key to good acting, because then you can just be a conduit for the emotions that will naturally surface. Last night I got a glimmer of what she was talking about.
So I finally got called in, met folks [there were about eight people there as they were auditioning for two plays at once] and talked to the director a bit. He asked about my experience and my training and then I got to do my monologue. It was really quiet and I thought oh boy, I think I’m really effing up here. And then I finished and there was this pause and then the director said and I quote: “Wow. That was just excellent.”
[insert HUGE sigh of internal relief here.]
So I said thanks and then they asked me to stay and read from the play. I did that with another actress, who ironically enough was reading the part I wanted, but no matter. After we finished, the director of the other play asked if I was sure I didn’t want to read for that one too, but I just told him that with my workload, the timing would be terrible with the rehearsal schedule. It would be inevitable that there would be some conflict and I wouldn’t want to let the show down.
So I hear by Thursday if I got a call back for Sunday. It’s in the laps of the Gods at this point. I may not get a call back once they see who could work together physically, etc. The point was, I had a good audition and as I fired up the car and started heading home, I actually rolled down the window and yelled to no one in particular “I AM NOT A FLUUUUUUKE!”
PEW! PEW! PEW! PEW!
Monday, June 16, 2008
Another Zesty Triumph Romanship
Of course I shall spare no detail in my recounting Dear Reader, but for now, a Pepsi awaits!
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Wisdom
God determines who walks into your life…it’s up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
You Know Something?
It's amazing that I can be in the worst mood evah, and then I listen to Rick James Give It To Me Baby and all is well.
Monday, June 09, 2008
Call Me Imelda
"What becomes of the broken hearted? The buy shoes." Mimi Pond
Don’t know about you, but I had one of the best weekends I’ve had in quite some time.
Saturday, I did a quick gardening session in the horticultural disaster that is my front garden, had some tea and toast and then overwhelmed by the effort of all of the aforementioned, had to have a three hour nap.
I then met my friend “Vivienne Leigh” who played Mrs. Graves in Enchanted April for an evening of dinner and "thee-ay-tah!" We went to go see East Side Players productions of After You.
East Side Players do their productions out of The Papermill Theatre at Todmorden Mills. It’s an absolutely beautiful facility, consisting of restore mill buildings nestled in the Don Valley. You feel right in the middle of the country, even though you’re in the city. The theatre is very modern and comfortable and there’s a beautiful art gallery for you to wander around before the show and at intermission. If you get a chance to see a show or go there for any other reason, I would highly recommend it.
As for the show itself, it was top notch and I enjoyed it immensely. It’s the story of Jean and Adele, two elderly cousins, who are at their northern Ontario cottage in 1998. Adele is dying, and Jean who is herself riddled with cancer, is caring for her. At the same time, you see Jean and Adele as young women, 60 years previously, when events and decisions changed the course of their respective lives forever.
The play utilizes the intriguing dramatic device of having all four actresses not only act with their contemporary, but with their older/younger selves as well. At times the entire ensemble is in the same scene, including Paul, the object of their mutual affection.
Yes, ultimately it’s always about a boy isn’t it?
Afterwards, I dropped Vivienne off, who I’ll be joining once again at the Arts & Letters Club [my new favourite place] for an evening of one act plays later in the month. Ah the art, the food, the Harry Potter fireplace. What’s not to love?
Sunday I ventured out to do some shopping. It was one of those “have credit card, will travel” kind of days. I just had to spend some money on myself. Somewhat annoyingly, however, my first stop was at Theatre Books. I’d placed an order for plays well over a week ago and the order went AWOL. They left me a message later but personally, I think it was just an oversight. I know I should have called when I wasn’t seeing the charge go through on my VISA. At any rate, it’s all resolved now.
Then I went to the Bay to get some skincare stuff and cases for my sunglasses, since I am near demented trying to ensure they don’t get smushed all the time. I was contemplating getting some summer sandals, but then thought, well I can hang on a little longer. It was then that the right heel of my sandal decided to come off. Like right off. I took this as a sign from the gods and proceeding upstairs to the shoe department.
Where there was a sale!!!
So I ended up getting three pairs of new shoes; a light black pair for work during the summer, casual sketchers and some sandals. Oh the joy of comfortable foot wear Romanship! Here is a view of the shoes, for which Chudleigh graciously agreed to interrupt his nap.
I then proceeded to Brampton to see my folks. I stopped in at Lowes and drooled over the bbq I’ve been coveting, then got a new garden hose. It was while I was at Lowes taking pictures of potential paving stones for the garden that the heel of my left sandal came off.
I then got to my folks and partook of some fantastic dinner and pictures of their trip to Italy. Here's what my sandals looked like by the time I got there. Oy! Da carnage!
Maybe it’s my Vitamin D levels getting back to normal. Maybe it’s the summer weather kicking in. Maybe it was buying myself some nice stuff. Whatever it was, I felt lighter and happier than I had in a long time and am actually looking forward to summer.
I know! Me!
Don’t know about you, but I had one of the best weekends I’ve had in quite some time.
Saturday, I did a quick gardening session in the horticultural disaster that is my front garden, had some tea and toast and then overwhelmed by the effort of all of the aforementioned, had to have a three hour nap.
I then met my friend “Vivienne Leigh” who played Mrs. Graves in Enchanted April for an evening of dinner and "thee-ay-tah!" We went to go see East Side Players productions of After You.
East Side Players do their productions out of The Papermill Theatre at Todmorden Mills. It’s an absolutely beautiful facility, consisting of restore mill buildings nestled in the Don Valley. You feel right in the middle of the country, even though you’re in the city. The theatre is very modern and comfortable and there’s a beautiful art gallery for you to wander around before the show and at intermission. If you get a chance to see a show or go there for any other reason, I would highly recommend it.
As for the show itself, it was top notch and I enjoyed it immensely. It’s the story of Jean and Adele, two elderly cousins, who are at their northern Ontario cottage in 1998. Adele is dying, and Jean who is herself riddled with cancer, is caring for her. At the same time, you see Jean and Adele as young women, 60 years previously, when events and decisions changed the course of their respective lives forever.
The play utilizes the intriguing dramatic device of having all four actresses not only act with their contemporary, but with their older/younger selves as well. At times the entire ensemble is in the same scene, including Paul, the object of their mutual affection.
Yes, ultimately it’s always about a boy isn’t it?
Afterwards, I dropped Vivienne off, who I’ll be joining once again at the Arts & Letters Club [my new favourite place] for an evening of one act plays later in the month. Ah the art, the food, the Harry Potter fireplace. What’s not to love?
Sunday I ventured out to do some shopping. It was one of those “have credit card, will travel” kind of days. I just had to spend some money on myself. Somewhat annoyingly, however, my first stop was at Theatre Books. I’d placed an order for plays well over a week ago and the order went AWOL. They left me a message later but personally, I think it was just an oversight. I know I should have called when I wasn’t seeing the charge go through on my VISA. At any rate, it’s all resolved now.
Then I went to the Bay to get some skincare stuff and cases for my sunglasses, since I am near demented trying to ensure they don’t get smushed all the time. I was contemplating getting some summer sandals, but then thought, well I can hang on a little longer. It was then that the right heel of my sandal decided to come off. Like right off. I took this as a sign from the gods and proceeding upstairs to the shoe department.
Where there was a sale!!!
So I ended up getting three pairs of new shoes; a light black pair for work during the summer, casual sketchers and some sandals. Oh the joy of comfortable foot wear Romanship! Here is a view of the shoes, for which Chudleigh graciously agreed to interrupt his nap.
I then proceeded to Brampton to see my folks. I stopped in at Lowes and drooled over the bbq I’ve been coveting, then got a new garden hose. It was while I was at Lowes taking pictures of potential paving stones for the garden that the heel of my left sandal came off.
I then got to my folks and partook of some fantastic dinner and pictures of their trip to Italy. Here's what my sandals looked like by the time I got there. Oy! Da carnage!
Maybe it’s my Vitamin D levels getting back to normal. Maybe it’s the summer weather kicking in. Maybe it was buying myself some nice stuff. Whatever it was, I felt lighter and happier than I had in a long time and am actually looking forward to summer.
I know! Me!
Thursday, June 05, 2008
I Cannot Think Of A Title
I've never considered myself a summer person, but even I'm beginning to find the interminable mix of rain, cloud and mild temperatures a bit much. I don't think we've gotten above 20 degrees yet. I long for nights with some heat still in the air.
But, given that my garden is in need of a good weeding, the lower temps can stay for the time being. Weeding in the searing sun. Now that's interminable.
On the upswing, I've had a very good week at work. My boss is loving my ideas. The fact that we have no budget or resources is besides the point. LOL! But I do feel that I'm finally in a groove with this job. I know what's what. It occurred to me today that the other adjustment I've had to make is being in a job where I'm not stepping on toes by speaking up. That's actually what's expected of me now.
How refreshing.
The anemia's still kicking my ass, but still, I could do worse things for a day job.
Come to think of it, I have.
But, given that my garden is in need of a good weeding, the lower temps can stay for the time being. Weeding in the searing sun. Now that's interminable.
On the upswing, I've had a very good week at work. My boss is loving my ideas. The fact that we have no budget or resources is besides the point. LOL! But I do feel that I'm finally in a groove with this job. I know what's what. It occurred to me today that the other adjustment I've had to make is being in a job where I'm not stepping on toes by speaking up. That's actually what's expected of me now.
How refreshing.
The anemia's still kicking my ass, but still, I could do worse things for a day job.
Come to think of it, I have.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Monday, June 02, 2008
Small Victories
I feel we have reached a point in our cyber experience Romanship where I can be completely honest with you.
There is nothing like new underwear.
Aaaaanyway, I have slowly but surely been climbing out of the anemic haze of last week. Can't say I got as much done as I wanted to at work today, but then again, I can't say I wanted to do much. I sometimes feel like I'm succeeding despite myself, but at the least, I am succeeding in that the higher ups who determine whether or not I have a job seem to be happy.
Still I wake up most mornings and hear the birds and wish I could stay home. Most of us do come summer. But I had a couple of minor victories today. I got home for another lunch and made a dent in the laundry. I also ordered my discounted software through work, something I've been meaning to do for over a year since I got my laptop for my birthday. Soon I will have fully functioning MSWord and I will start my book - fah reels. I'm going to talk to the Marine about getting internet cable downstairs too. Oh the joys of blogging on the couch.
Speaking of which, check this out. Thoughts?
There is nothing like new underwear.
Aaaaanyway, I have slowly but surely been climbing out of the anemic haze of last week. Can't say I got as much done as I wanted to at work today, but then again, I can't say I wanted to do much. I sometimes feel like I'm succeeding despite myself, but at the least, I am succeeding in that the higher ups who determine whether or not I have a job seem to be happy.
Still I wake up most mornings and hear the birds and wish I could stay home. Most of us do come summer. But I had a couple of minor victories today. I got home for another lunch and made a dent in the laundry. I also ordered my discounted software through work, something I've been meaning to do for over a year since I got my laptop for my birthday. Soon I will have fully functioning MSWord and I will start my book - fah reels. I'm going to talk to the Marine about getting internet cable downstairs too. Oh the joys of blogging on the couch.
Speaking of which, check this out. Thoughts?
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