All The Trouble In the World

"So let us not be blind to our differences -- but let us also direct attention to our common interests and to the means by which those differences can be resolved. And if we cannot end now our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity. For, in the final analysis, our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this small planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children's future. And we are all mortal." ~ JFK's commencement speech at American University, June 10, 1963

Like many people, I've felt decidedly worried about the state of the world lately. Our planet is never without conflict. There is always some patch of land immersed in despair. But with the war in Gaza and Malaysian Airlines Flight 17 getting shot out of the sky and the fact that both these events find their origin in parts of the world not renowned for a lack of conflict generally, the tension in the the air has seemed higher lately, like that of a heavy bow string pulled back by a hand too weak for the task.

You can sense on social media that nobody really wants to talk about either of these events, Gaza in particular. This makes sense to me. Certainly I'm reluctant to weigh in, for the simple reason that I have my opinion, until that is, I don't. We are constantly getting bombarded with another event, another perspective. There are no straight lines or clear paths on this issue and people's opinions are already impassioned.

All I know is that I don't want anyone, Palestinian, Israeli, anybody getting bombed, shot or hurt in any way and this sensibility seems grossly simplistic in the face of a conflict imbued with a patina that only centuries of conflict, intolerance and genocide can bestow. 

This article by Basio Winograd the Washington Post summed it up beautifully for me.  Do your friends follow the news? Then this is what your Facebook feed looks like.

I struggle with whether digital media is the place to be discussing issues of such import and complication. I don't know if an editorial on Gaza should be in the same place as funny cat pictures. And don't get me started on the Comments sections of newspaper sites, or as I like to call them Troll Lounges.

But where digital media falls down in terms of reasoned discussion, it excels in spreading information and building awareness. Again on social media, a friend had posted this article and it did me a world of good to read it.  I hope it does the same for you. We need reminders that as wretchedly desperate some situations in the world can be, it also has parcels that shimmer with hope.

7 Reasons the World Isn't Totally Screwed Right Now

Moving Right Along

Tomorrow I start at my new freelance gig. I picked up a contract at another advertising firm for 3 months. I had an in person interview last week and I had good feeling about the people and the place in general. It's a bigger ad firm, more corporate and in my comfort zone.

In the meantime, I also interviewed for a full time permanent role at a smaller private owned firm. It's more of a mixed bag and if the money's is where it needs to be, I may just do that instead. Granted it has a lot of things in play that don't bode well: small privately owned firm, not much digital expertise [or they can't seem to keep it - I don't know which] Working at these places can be tough. You get a lot of big fishes in a small pond. But generally, I liked the people I met with a great deal and though not exactly my ideal, I could do far worse if the money is where it needs to be.

We'll see. I realize how much I've changed. There was a time when I would have felt "bad" interviewing for a permanent role when I've committed to a contract. There was a time when I would have felt "bad" on Wednesday morning saying "I have to leave at 130pm for an appointment." because a firm had called me in last minute for an interview. No more. If I've learned anything from the last three years, it's look out for yourself first and foremost, because if someone just doesn't like you or some bean counter needs to notch in the corporate belt, your job is gone and that mortgage payment is still coming.

This hit me most acutely sitting in the Service Canada office this week to discuss my EI claim. Given I'd been freelancing for a while, I wasn't sure of the impact, if any, on my claim status. I don't know if there's anything quite so defeating as sitting in a government office. I've been in this place, needed these services, three times in three years. Granted the most time I've ever needed EI was for 4 months. The two other times I found work within 3 weeks. But I was just angry. I felt in that moment, that it's a hard thing to feel that people are just messing with you and your livelihood and that you can't fight back or make them pay in some way for imposing such a difficulty on your life. I really hadn't realized I even was angry about it all. And then once I did, the anger just dissipated. There's no point hanging on to it. What's done is done and I am where I am.

So off on the next adventure as of tomorrow. I'd type more, but my arms are too sore from my workout tonight. More on that later.

Regroup

I've wanted to write here on a regular basis for quite some time. I've only recently felt that I can start doing that again.

The last three years have felt like an endless endurance test. Between 3 job losses in 3 years, losing a ten year relationship and the multiple deaths of people and pets, it's felt like no sooner have I been getting up from the blow of one event, but the next one has come has come barrelling along, brass knuckled and ill timed.

Things are what they are now. My life is much better in many respects, and worse in others.

*  *  *

I remember starting this blog as a means to build a disciplined writing practice, to get back into writing in some way. I thought that having a sense of a readership, people waiting for the next entry would help me do that. To a degree it did, and so I thank all six of you from the bottom of my heart :). 

Some people write blogs as an exercise in catharsis, putting it all out there, warts and all for readers to consume. I respect that choice, but it's never one with which I've been comfortable. I tend to leave my wailing and gnashing for my journal, if for no other reason than that my journalling can lean towards negativity and is not necessarily a reasonable summations of things. There, I try to process my depression, make sense of things and of my life, take a tally of the small victories where I can.

Whereas my blog is written to be read. The revelations of my life are selective and better thought out. 

For whatever reason, I've been coming back to this blog quite a bit in the last month to read old entries. I thought the selectivity that I apply to what I write about here would make the blog entries less interesting to me than those in my journal. I've found the exact opposite to be true. The fact that I have written from a different perspective here has given me just that, another view on my life that I may not have appreciated if I had just written about the same time periods in my journal.  

There are things documented here that I had completely forgotten about, things that at the time seemed to take on a life and death meaning. There are passing notations on things that ended up becoming quite significant.

And in the end, it's just a different kind of documentation of my life. Because if I am truly honest, I am always seeking to find some sort of meaning in things. The record I've created here is another way to help me connect the dots. I suppose in the same vein, the lack of documentation here during the past few years is a record of a different, but equal kind.

*  *  *

Tears come at the silliest of times.  This morning I got back home with my coffee and as I pulled into the driveway, thoughts parsed through my mind in nano second increments, unbidden and unwanted. But if I was to slow down the progression, I would say it went something like this:

I am tired. As warm and friendly as I try to be, I'm an introvert and a creative at heart and I've just spent all week running around dealing with people having to solve problems that were not of my own making. I can't drive any agenda. This exhausts me. If I was meant to be a creative person and have a creative job, surely it would have worked out for me somewhere along the line by now. I feel trapped and I don't know how to get out. I feel so lonely.  I feel middle aged, fat, used up and past it.

Cue waterworks.

I don't know what to do these days other than to KBO. I'm just at a point for the first time in a decade where I'm not worrying week to week how I'll pay the bills. That's nice. That's something.

I'd like to keep and stay in my house but it needs a lot of work. I don't want to spend the rest of my days paying off a mortgage. I'd like to enjoy some relief from that before retiring if possible.

I'd like to carve out a space in my home for writing. I'd like to get more organized and have a normal living arrangement where things are easy and straightforward to keep clean. Still trying to get there.

And Jesus H. Roosevelt, can this winter please END already.

I think I've cried more in the past three years than I have in my entire life combined. I'm not exaggerating here. There's sometimes no other way to move past things than to cry them out.  Then you can move on. Any room in my house, the bathroom at work, driving in the car - all these places have been my sadness safe houses the last few years. Tears aren't noted for their convenient timing.

I've realized that I won't fall apart if I cry. That has been a great blessing. 

*  *  *

There have been a great many other blessings that have come to me since I was last regularly writing here.

Perspective.

Losing one job is tough. The second time is unimaginable. But by the time it happens to you for the third time, in as many years no less, it's kind of a non-event. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't happy about it, and it was a tough situation even though I was incredibly unhappy in the job I had. But less than three weeks later, I was back at work on a month's contract with no financial ground lost.  I knew what to do to turn that situation around, had learned from my past mistakes and was willing to take things as they came. As it turned out, the same place has kept renewing my contract. It's a great fit for me and it may go permanent. I can do that job while I look for something for which I'm more suited.

And if it doesn't work out, I'll find something else. 

Maturity.

The scales have definitely fallen from my eyes on several fronts when it comes to people, work and life in general. I still struggle with walking the line between when to take things personally and when not to. I tend towards the latter when frankly, that's just not appropriate. As Maya Angelou once remarked, don't go through life with a catcher's mitt on each hand. Know when to throw the ball back once in a while. 

I'm still trying to get better at knowing when to throw the ball back.

I certainly don't have the same rose-coloured perspective on things I once did. I don't believe in the potential of everyone to do and be better anymore. A lot, if not most people, don't want to do or be better. A lot of people just want to stay stuck in their stuff and their own agendas. It's cosy there.

Don't be a jelly fish, when the waters are shark invested.

Happiness.

I've learned that it's truly simple things that are the basic constructs of a good and happy life. Showing up. Keeping your promises. Paying the bills on time. Cleanliness and order in your home. Regular and restful sleep. Routine. Being able to save money for a rainy day. Taking care of and maintaining your physical and mental health. Setting goals, however minor, and achieving them. 

If you can get the above right, I don't think a lack of friends and family will buckle you. You can be immensely lonely and still feel a basic level of happiness. I believe you can have the best friends and family in the world and will not have happiness if your life is a never ending shit storm of reactivity, crisis, disorganization and ill health - physical or mental.  I know, because I've lived that way most of my adult life. 

*  *  *

So I have some plans. But more on those later.

Just Sayin'

Kirsten, if you're out there and reading, get in touch. I tried your email and it bounced back. I just wondered how you were doing.

Sometimes the Song Says It Better Than You Can

A Thousand Beautiful Things
By: Annie Lennox

Every day I write the list
Of reasons why I still believe they do exist
(a thousand beautiful things)
And even though it's hard to see
The glass is full and not half empty
(a thousand beautiful things)
So... light me up like the sun
To cool down with your rain
I never want to close my eyes again
Never close my eyes
Never close my eyes

I thank you for the air to breathe
The heart to beat
The eyes to see again
(a thousand beautiful things)
And all the things that's been and done
The battle's won
The good and bad in everyone
(this is mine to remember)

So ...
Here I go again
Singin' by your window
Pickin' up the pieces of what's left to find

The world was meant for you and me
To figure out our destiny
(a thousand beautiful things)
To live
To die
To breathe
To sleep
To try to make your life complete
(yes yes)
So ...
Light me up like the sun
To cool down with your rain
I never want to close my eyes again
Never close my eyes
never close my eyes ...
That is everything I have to say
(that's all I have to say)

Who Knew Detergent Could Cause So Much Trouble?

Quite truthfully, the past week and a half has been the most effed up I've been in quite some time.

I've been trying to adjust to unemployment. It's not great, but hardly grim.

But I was feeling really ill and it had been getting worse. I was having horrendous sneezing fits, swollen eyelids and a never ending tiredness of which 12-14 hours of sleep didn't even crack the surface. At first I put it down to stress. Maybe I was feeling more stressed out about my job loss than I consciously realized. Maybe I had caught a virus. Maybe I was adjusting to being in my home environment more often.

On and on my speculation continued until by Friday, with a constantly running nose, a throbbing, painful right ear and a lesion having developed on the outside of my left one, I managed to secure an appointment with the nurse practitioner at my doctor's office.

She checked me out and confirmed my lymph nodes were up like balloons. Then she asked if we had changed detergents or cleaners lately. I had, about a month ago. She speculated I was having an allergic reaction and advised me to go back to my old detergent and rewash everything. It was either that, or the stress of late had made me prone to a virus.

Two days and several loads of laundry later, my symptoms are already improving. Thank God. I was on the verge of completely losing my shit. I was seriously questioning why with having time off and more sleep then I've had in ages, I was feeling so lousy. I saw a couple of jobs I wanted to apply for but just couldn't get my brain in gear to generate resumes and cover letters for them. Why, I was asking myself, was everything getting so bloody difficult to do? Now I know.

Inflammation is a bitch. I just hope I can get back into gear next week.

That being said, I'm feeling somewhat hesitant. There's a part of me that frankly, just doesn't want to apply for anything right now. I'm quite happy to just stay at home and catch up on my life and the things that are important to me. It's been such a shell shocking last year and a bit. There have been moments where I have to stop and survey the changes. The Maritimer, my grandmother, my uncle and three of my pets are gone. Now so is my job. And while all this has been going on, my relationship with the Marine has been ending. No wonder I just feel like hibernating for a while.

The week did, however, end somewhat well. I'd had an appointment with my naturopath booked for ages, and given the week that was, I decided to keep it. I thought it was for iridology but it was actually for live blood cell microscopy. What can I say? Right now my life is one big brain fart.

Anyway, it's pretty freaky seeing your blood cells milling around doing their thing. We don't think about all the activity constantly going on inside our bodies. And the good news was that despite some minor digestive/absorption issues, my blood was looking really good. It was a big change from when I got microscopy done a few years ago. At that time, things were a mess as far as blood goes: thin blood with cells that clumped together with all sorts of extraneous crap floating along for the ride. Now my blood is for the most part, strong and clean.

So here's to a better week next week. Hopefully my ears will stop ringing soon. It's funny how things work out. Given how I've been feeling, it's probably just as well I didn't get that part.

More Randomness

I just have a bunch of thoughts going through my head lately. I tend to want to write here with a topic in mind, but such is not the case these days, and I'd rather get this stuff out of my head.

* * *

Speaking of which, I bought a "To Do" pad today at Chapters Indigo. It wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but it does have check boxes, which is what I need. I know it sounds strange, but I've realized that I need the visual cue of the box to check off and all my items cordoned off in a specific "To Do" book. I'm wanting to get more disciplined about writing things down, particularly regarding things I have to get done so they don't sit on my brain like an agitated granny. I want to see the whole landscape and prioritize accordingly. That will give me a sense of accomplishment and momentum.

I also got a money tracker book. It's a little notebook of tearaway pages, structured like a match book. All you do is write down at the top what amount of money you have in your wallet, and what you spend on what. That's all I'm doing for now and frankly it's enough. Things seem to move so fast, and next thing you know, 100 dollars has fluttered out of your wallet and you don't know why. I'm tired of having this vague sense of financial blackout. Eventually, I'll transition this approach to my entire budget, starting with my next payday. I can then make a note of everything that comes out, be it bill payments, debit purchases and the like. I'll move on to other more aggressive measures later, but for now this is enough. I've managed to keep my head above water financially speaking despite some very real challenges the last few years. As silly as it sounds, I was so proud of myself when the lease for my new car was approved because my credit rating was still good.

* * *

I suppose the above resonates with me because I always feel like I am living with this general sense of incompetence. The day to day of life has at times, seemed overwhelming. Yet despite everything, I've somehow kept going and kept it together. What I really want for this coming year is the sense of thriving, not just surviving, of feeling that I am on top of things, not just reacting to what is already heading my way.

* * *

I've felt a bit anxious driving around lately. Everyone on the road seems to be in a state of holiday induced rage, or at least impatience. Or it's the opposite; they're driving around in their own little bubble, holding everyone [ok. ME] up. It makes me nuts. The weekend before Christmas, Ragdoll and I went to the mall and were waiting for a parking spot, our signal on. A man pulled up beside us and stole it anyway. What is with people? Why is everyone so self-absorbed?

* * *

I went out with my folks, sis and niece on New Year's Eve to a great Japanese place north of the city. My dad took a picture of my mum and I for his cousin in Australia. He sent it to me this evening. I was delighted to see the re-emergence of my cheek bones. It's nice to see pictures of yourself and like what you see.

* * *

The other day I picked up my usual copy of Oxygen and for the first time, MixMag. I've decided that I'd like to be a DJ, even if it's just part time. It would be a good outlet for me I think as I love music and dancing so much. I get a newsletter from Hay House and they had an article from Joan Borysenko about burn out. She was talking about going back in your mind to the things you loved as a kid as a way to get your energy back. Those neural pathways are still there just waiting to get fired up. I realized that what music does for me is too important for me to not do anything with it. Folks seem to enjoy the mixes I put together, and I think I could really make a go of it. I'm still auditioning for plays and as always, struggling to find time to write any of my books. DJ'ing seems doable.

* * *

I've managed to keep my purse and wallet clean for three weeks and I've realized what the secret is. I throw out receipts. And by throw out I mean put them in the garbage.

I've avoided doing this for years because I feel bad about the environmental impact. I'd put papers and receipts aside for shredding...later. You can see where I'm going with this. Now I'm throwing non-essential receipts out, which other than for warranty purposes, means all of them. It's made all the difference. It's the same with coffee cups. For a while, I had a whole washed out collection of them at the office to take back to Starbucks. You can see where I'm going with this.

So I'll get to the whole paper shredding, recycling bit in due course. I think it's a very very important thing to do. The problem for me is that while I'm trying to do my part for the world's environment, my own has been suffering greatly. This is one key objective for 2011: to get my living environment up to snuff. Paint on the walls, Items organized. Enough already. So for now, to keep my car, purse and wallet functional and clean, all that paper has to go as expeditiously as possible. Next weekend, I'm getting the basement organized. It's the first step to reclaiming my home proper from the clutter I've been in as long as I can remember. It's not healthy, and I don't want to live like this anymore. I want a home that makes me sigh with relief versus exasperation when I walk through the door. I want to have people over, so that I can reciprocate the wonderful hospitality I'm always receiving.

Plus if I generate some garbage, so be it. I'm entitled as much as anyone else to take up a baseline allotment of space and resources in this world.

Back on the Grid

This past week I was ill, as ill as I've been in quite some time. I thought my bout last year was bad, but whatever it is I caught, left last year's episode in the dust.

The week prior I had been to Scotland. Again! I was able to go with my parents and we stayed in a great apartment in Kelvingrove. It's a funny thing. I hadn't been to Scotland since 1994 and this year I got to go twice. If anything, it's convinced me that regular visits there need to be a part of my life from now on.

So I came back feeling really refreshed, despite jet lag that never entirely resolved itself and then WHAMMO! Congestive Armageddon.

So I've got some catching up to do in terms of my workouts. The nurse practitioner I saw said that I would be out of the contagious phase in three days, but essentially coughing for two weeks. I'm going to ease back into my routine as best I can and I've scheduled two restorative yoga classes to go to in between training days. I've missed my Thursday yoga since our office move and I need to start doing it again.

And for now, well that's about it. Not much to report. I suppose I just wanted to try and get back into a routine here too.

And Then There Were Three

I've been thinking a lot about writing here. Obviously I haven't and that's because frankly, the last while has been a bit of a shit storm in my life. Something in my brain buckled, and I couldn't put a keystroke to screen until now.

The last time I wrote here, I had come through a relentless summer and fall. Ragdoll had been deathly ill, I had found out my first boyfriend had died, my grandmother died and Shuggy our cat died.

In February, our cat Neko died. In March, my youngest Uncle on my mother's side passed away suddenly due to a pulmonary embolism. Two weeks ago our cat Chudleigh died.

I'm now left with our three little cats, Lolly, Jerry and Possil. And I say "I'm" because my relationship with the Marine is also coming to an end. Nothing I've ever said about him here has changed. I mention our parting because contextually, I want future blogs to make sense. I'll say no more about it.

Some things are just too precious for the internet.

I'll Be Back

Hi y'all. Long time, no blog. I know, I know.

It hasn't been on purpose, trust.

I'm off to Glasgow in a week so when I return, I plan to get back into things here.

Chipping Away

I haven't been here much and haven't been reading much online either. I don't mean for this to happen, but sometimes my schedule allows for work, workouts, a facebook posting and that's about it. Plus, as I've been making my way out of depression and into a different and frankly, more normal way of living, I find I'm more inclined to get out and get groceries, read a good book, or see a friend for brunch or dinner. I feel as if I'm becoming a part of the world again, versus hiding from it or trying to make it smaller and more manageable, and I just want to take time for myself. I need to get my house in order, literally and metaphorically and it's going to take a while to balance things out.

I find it comes down to little things, chipping away at it, maintaining consistency and then adding just a little bit more as time goes by. I'm now working out with my trainer three times plus doing additional cardio at least twice every week. This past week I started following an eating plan and buying groceries in advance so I could bring all my meals to work in a cooler. The money it's saving is ridiculous. I've started doing a little bit of cleaning every night instead of letting things build up and it turning into a massive undertaking. Not that you can see the difference, but I feel it, and that's what counts.

The Marine is about 2 weeks away from finishing the basement. I went down and had a look tonight and it's truly amazing what he's accomplished on his own.

And I'm now a red head.

Lurching Into January

"A long December
and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last." ~ Counting Crows

December was a knuckle down kind of month for me. I found myself tired and a bit melancholy at the end of November, but despite this, some of the Christmas cheer got through to me, and I had a nice holiday.

Work was relentless and so were my workouts, but I kept going as I always do. The Marine made good progress on the basement and we are almost there. I even bought a Christmas tree as I blasted through all my shopping on the 24th, which is the way to go if you know exactly what you want to get and where. I don't think I waited in line more than five minutes anywhere I went and the presents seemed to go down very well with everyone, which always makes me happy.

I even had time to do a CD compilation, something I try to do every year, but don't always get to and certainly didn't last year. [If you want one let me know.] People seemed to have really appreciated this more personal kind of gift in the sense that it's a little more reflective of me. I'd been working on it since October, first choosing about 25 songs, then whittling the list down to CD length and redoing the order once the transitions were what I wanted.

I also discovered in December that my iron stores had gotten too low again, and this time my doctor put me on prescription iron supplements, something no other doctor has done. Two weeks later, I'm starting to feel a big difference and I'm no longer panting at the top of a flight of stairs as if I had just sprinted up them.

All that being said, my work out didn't go too well today. I woke up feeling tired and "buggy", as if I was fighting something off. I ended up cutting my workout short, something I've never done before. I'd just had it and felt as if my pilot light was out. I'm hoping that a couple of good night's sleeps helps rectify the situation.

I also cleaned off the bomb site that was my desk today and feel overall that I'm getting back on top of things. It was a nice feeling after a weekend out with friends at brunches and movies and the like. I hadn't had such a fun weekend in a long time. I was also able to buy jeans that were one size smaller. Progress, however small, is always nice.

And well, that's me then.

Happy New Year

Well, it's been a while, I know. I'm hoping to get back in the swing of things here shortly.

Hope 2010 is good to ya.

Coastal Dispatch

I finally heard from somebody out east who is getting me some more info. Rightly or wrongly, I just can't shake the feeling that there is more for me to know before this chapter officially closes.

I'll keep you posted.

Takes a Lickin', Keeps on Tickin'

I'd love to write here more often. I really would. But we're now into our third site relaunch so it may be September before you see me again. Will do my best.

Trying

I wasn't a great week, wasn't a bad one.

I'm starting to realize that lapses and fatigue are most of the time, a sign that I'm recovering and getting better, versus anything to be really upset about. I just need to take the rest I need, when I need it and keep going.

Still, I'm glad last week is over. We came out of a major site relaunch at work and had what I call a "slow boat to China" week. Everyone was fried, me included. Plus, Ragdoll was in and out of hospital and that was, frankly, very worrisome. She is now on the mend.

I start workouts next Thursday. Feeling up to that again which is great. I'd start Tuesday, but my Pop is going in for his second hip replacement and as my sis is out of the country, yours truly is babysitting Rosy while my Mum is helping Pops at the hospital.

Alone. With my niece.

Pray for me.

In Other Zesty News

I started my novel today.

That is all.

Ahem

Well.

I am back at work after my vacation. I must say that I was glad of the break, even though it's pretty much worn off. LOL.

Work is CRAZAY. But we're almost there on a big project. Almost. There.

Oh I can't wait until it's done.

It's been a strange time for me. I needed a break from here, in as much that doing any kind of blogging requires some introspection and I've had far too much of that as it is lately. I've felt stripped and raw, coming to terms with feelings, people and events, reconciling, trying my best to forgive, forget [or both] and move on. It's not an easy process sometimes.

I'll do my best to get back in a groove here.

Ok, So It's Been A While

Well, I honestly didn't mean to be away so long. Work really kicked in and has been beyond busy. I was running a bit ragged for a while too and generally, I was just in a mode of trying to keep up with things.

Hard to believe but in two weeks, I'll be on vacation. It will be my first bonafide summer vacation in years and I'm really looking forward to it.

There's been a lot going on. I'll do my best to get caught up here, particularly with my book reviews. I also need to be catching up on reading blog posts elsewhere.

I beg your indulgence Romanship.

Phew! I Made It!

At last, a week of glorious vacation is upon me. I have no immediate plans, although doing my workouts, sleeping in, going to the museum and seeing some movies courtesy of the gift card I got for Christmas are currently on the agenda.

Last night I didn't get home until 9:30, but it was well worth sucking it up and doing the voice over session. The prospect isn't hanging over my head now and I can truly enjoy my time off. If I'm honest, I did have a genuine case of nerves about the whole thing. It was good to get it out of the way.

The woman I worked with has been in the industry for 20 years, and she was absolutely amazing. I learned more in my session last night than I have in my previous sessions combined. I'm proud of myself. I just went for it and I think I did a good job and the best I could. I'm really happy with how my reel turned out, and I think I've got a good chance at getting an agent this year.

This week was a little bumpy in that my Granny had to go into hospital again. But she's rallied and is going to be home by tomorrow.

Between that, seeing my doctor and finally getting this voice session out of the way, I feel like I can breathe a sigh of relief for the first time in a very long time. It was nice to leave the office by 6:15 instead of my usual 11 pm finish before a vacation. It was nice to know that people were still at the office who could deal with anything that came up.

It was nice to feel all caught up.