Gratitude

Today I was badgered and heckled by a terrible mood that would not let up. I'm tired of sleeping and walking up feeling exhausted. I'm tired of having no appetite. I'm tired of the crazy cat I'm fostering who won't stop farting (that's another blog entry.)

By any objective standard, being really sick over holidays of any kind just sucks. And I was really REALLY looking forward to this break for a long time. Two years ago Indigo died. Last year I spent most of December recovering from emergency gallbladder surgery. This year, I am employed full time and had some vacation to carry over into the New Year. "Great," I thought, "this will be a really good break."

Instead, on December 23rd I started to cough and by Saturday morning, had a fever of 101 degrees. And that was that. I've been home ever since and will finally get to see my parents on Wednesday for an overdue Christmas celebration. So far, I've spent this entire holiday, sick, worn out and alone.

I was finally able to get out today for a couple of hours and finish my Christmas shopping. Two hours was more than enough. Two hours felt like six. But still, it was nice to return to the land of living. Given how easily I can get into a bad funk and stay there, I decided to focus my thoughts on those things that I was grateful for despite my current circumstances.

I like doing this because it is a great way for me to refocus my thoughts and not dwell on the negative. I walk an emotional tightrope, one in which I try to acknowledge and give voice to my emotions, whatever they may be. I think this is good and healthy. Unrelenting positivism is as bad as negativity. It's important to understand and acknowledge everything you're feeling.Feelings aren't good or bad, they just are.  But like a good buffet, it's important not to stay in one place too long. You just end up overstuffed and unhappy.

So in no particular order, here are the things I decided I was grateful for today:

I get to see my parents on Wednesday to celebrate a belated Christmas. Some people love their parents very much and don't have them in their lives anymore. Some people spend every Christmas alone and have nobody to care for or celebrate with them.

I'm employed full time. I really felt for the contractors at my office this year because I've been there, heading into a Christmas break where the office is closed and I'll have no money coming in or the certainty of a contract renewal in the New Year. Not fun. This year I have a job, however imperfect, and for the most part can pay my bills.

I've been sick, but I've also been on vacation. This means that I've been able to get as much rest as I want without feeling under pressure to get back to the office asap. I've been able to focus on just getting well.

I was able to get caught up on some chores and despite being sick my house hasn't gone to hell in a hand basket. Disorder stresses me out so I've been grateful to be able to keep on top of things.

I've watched a lot of great television. So far, I've discovered some series I've really enjoyed and have been able to watch a ton of TV to pass the time being sick. That's no small thing when you're too sick to peruse social media or read.

Quiet. I've really had a lot of peace and quiet the last while. I really needed to experience this so I could recharge.  My job is noisy and bustling and pulls me in a bunch of different directions all day long. It's been marvelous to just not have to do or say anything, to just be still.

This blog entry. I honestly didn't think I'd get this done today, but proved myself wrong.

Ruminations on the Blahs and the 80's Amongst Other Things

We have a long weekend due to the Victoria Day holiday this Monday. It couldn't come soon enough. Last week was, well, kinda hellish. I was extremely tired and had no concentration. I woke up every morning wishing I could sleep another three hours.

Despite this, somehow I managed to get some semblance of work done. I can't say I'm exactly on top of things, but I'm not woefully behind either. I just seem to be making demands on my brain it's unwilling to handle right now, and like an obstinate three year old, it's throwing a tantrum everytime I want it to work because it wants candy instead.

I feel that what I really need right now is rest, just time to be at home and away from the world. But this is not realistic and instead, I'm taking breaks where I can and making an active effort to focus on the good aspects of my work. Even though I'm finding it tiring right now, that feeling won't last forever. I work with very nice and funny people. Work bores me, but currently, it's a rare thing that doesn't.

I have to remember that I am viewing the world through a certain filter, that I've been living with one hand tied behind my back as it were for a long time, and as a result, my perceptions of things are altered. I can't say truthfully that remembering that makes things any easier. Circumstances are what they are, but I am trying not to dwell on negative things and that to me is a key step in changing my life and recovering from this latest depressive bout.

I let my doctor know on Friday how much better I had been feeling. It has truly amazed me how effective medication has been, how despite some remaining fatigue, it's nothing like the previous feeling I had of moving through molasses all the time.

Anyway, I spent yesterday in my pyjamas and the better part of the evening watching VH1's Top One Hit Wonders of the 80's. It was fabulous. The commentary was really funny and it was great to go back to a time when my perceptions of the world were so much more straightforward, and things like my hair and what shoes I was going to buy for the start of school were really major considerations, not to mention having a laugh at videos and songs we all thought were tha sh*t back in the day.

This weekend was just what I needed; nowhere to go, nothing to do and a few laughs here and there. Hope yours is as good.

Um....

I keep trying to get back in a groove here, but frankly, it's just a little bit tough right now.

My sleep is hit and miss, work is overwhelming and I'm really just trying to keep going.

Life is good. But I guess I just don't have the reserves to write about it.

I know one thing though. If I were rich, I would fly to London to see Sir Ian McKellan and Patrick Stewart in Waiting for Godot. Can you imagine how good it is?

Sorry...

For the sporadic blogging. There are reasons. I'll explain.

In the Fog

I've been enjoying a computer free last few days. My sleep has been wonky and I find myself preoccupied with thoughts of the past. These more retrospective leanings have brought me to a conclusion.

I wish I looked forward to the future, but I've realized recently that I don't. By default, I seem to have a fundamentally negative view of things, expecting that the passage of time will bring more loss and disappointment and that the state of my life can't really be improved upon and will probably, in the long term, get worse.

And yet, I can't tell you why I think this way, where this belief originated or what it's based on - aside from the obvious conclusion that I may be a bit depressed or winter weary, especially when I consider my recent inventory of things I have to be glad about.

But for whatever reason, I've simply become aware recently that the long view of my life is not an optimistic one. I'm not as positive as I have thought myself to be.

Logically, it just doesn't make sense. Who is to say that the next ten years won't be the best of my life, that the wreckage of disappointment I may encounter will be well mitigated?

But it looks like I've got some more internal digging to do.

Petty Frustrations

Today was my first day back. It was a little rough, primarily due to a supreme lack of sleep. We had howling winds and lashing rain. I hate wind like that. It goes right through me and makes me feel wrung out.

And my brain just would not calm down. It's like a default mechanism that flips on, that makes me start anticipating and planning when what I really need to do is get to sleep.

And of course, there was Daylight Savings Time.

I went into work all full of good intentions but as usual, my brain just shut down. I don't know what the problem is exactly. I work with great people. I now have quite a fun job and yet most days, my general feeling is "meh." I just can't garner any enthusiasm.

My boss is amazing, so quick and smart, so engaged. Meanwhile I'm fighting the urge to go read Perez Hilton. I wish I could shake this feeling and feel less detached. I care about my work and want to do well. I just care about other work more I suppose. In many ways, I think I'm subconsciously resisting the recalibration in my department. By no means do I want my boss' responsibilities. I think my brain just doesn't want to learn another new job. Again. I need to get around this somehow.

On the up side, I've been feeling better physically than I have in ages. I think my iron and vitamin D are both finally approaching meaningful levels. It's the only thing that makes sense to me as an explanation, well that and getting a vacation, but this feeling of wellness is more in my bones, not the relaxed veil of detachment a week off the grid can bring. Long may it continue.

For I can only hope it remains as I go back on Wednesday for my first work out in a month. I'm still enjoying my fitness program, but my last workout was tough. It's nice though to feel myself making progress, to have clothes now hanging slack where I used to fill them.

But I still think that elliptical machine's gonna be a killah.

This is the Golden Age? aka Zesty's Folly

I've been doing stupid shit lately.

Case in point, the week before my vacation I went and got a poster framed. It's from Elizabeth: The Golden Age and I spent $190.00 bucks getting it mounted and framed. Why? Well at the time, it had been sitting rolled up in my office and I really wanted something for the wall directly across from where I sit.

And I suppose I had some stupid law of attraction idea that if I had it in front of my line of sight long enough, if I could look at it and focus on it with the idea in my head that I too may be able to act full time one day, that framing this picture and making it look nice may actually help to make that happen, the way I think that staring at my credit card balance will somehow magically make it shrink.

But I suppose the other reason is that I didn't have to go into debt to do it because I've been saving for an Ipod and part of me just wanted to get something done because I wanted to get it done. Enough said. No weighing the constraints of what's affordable and what's not.

So now the poster hangs in my office. It's a little rough housed which is made more obvious when the light hits the poster surface which is on mounting. But this to me, is part of its charm. But it's also a symbol of folly, of not thinking clearly, of being reactionary. Oh yeah, and back to the drawing board on the Ipod.

And then I do stupid shit like today, when I go to the doctor and hear that absolutely nothing's wrong and everything came back normal and I'm so tired that I don't think to say "but you know when the nurse checked my file to make sure all my blood work was in there were two "abnormals" listed there."

I don't want to be sick, but I just don't understand how I can be as bone tired as I have been this past month but there is nothing wrong. My doctor said that my vitamin D test wasn't back yet and what I was describing was consistent with insufficiency. She also thought it was significant that my sleep quality had improved during the same time I'd lost five inches off my waist and she wants to follow up with me when I'd completed my second sleep test.

I guess I just expected to hear something definitive today given how I've been feeling and I was surprised that I didn't. My doctor was very understanding. She says she has several patients in my predicament with no definitive answers, but she's willing to keep working with me and trying other things as we go. So, the sleep test is up next. Really, it's all I can ask for and I appreciate it.

Having mulled this over the better part of this evening, I've decided to do the following:

I'm going to call my doctor back tomorrow and follow up on those two abnormal results for peace of mind.

I am not going to apologize for being tired anymore. I am not a hypochondriac and my symptoms are real. All I can do is manage them as best I can. The very least I can do, is trust myself.

I will continue my policy of at least one weekend a month where I have no appointments or obligations whatsoever.

I will exercise at least two times a week.

I am substantially cutting crap out of my diet - no more pop, chips, chocolate covered almonds etc. Not that I eat these in abundance, but I have been overdoing it a bit the last month on the chocolate almond front anyway, and I need to make more of an effort to eat healthfully.

I am going to see the nutritionist at my fitness club to get some guidance.

Covergirls, Winter and the Love Boat

This week has felt eternal.

Everyone I've talked to is hitting the February wall. We are grey, tired and frozen.

My medication is helping me sleep in the sense that I feel for the first time in years that I have actually done so, but I couldn't tell you the last time I was so work tired. I'm white knuckling it until Monday, when my boss returns. We'll go through an inevitable recalibration, but the worst is over.

How I have hung on since October I don't know. But what I have discovered is that the Employee From Hell has fared just fine thanks very much despite everyone's fears that they would fall to pieces, and that having gotten more involved on the content side, it's become abundantly clear how consumately full of shit they were, how much they were puffing up the reality of their contribution. Frankly, I'm still puzzled as to why they went out of their way to create more work and make it fundamentally more difficult than it needed to be.

I suppose this past situation is on my mind because my new employee is so the polar opposite, so funny, so skilled, so wonderful to work with that it's like a completely different department. Or put another way, it's nice to feel somebody has my back, instead of trying to put a knife in it. It's nice to finally get on with things and leave a bad situation to memory.

Speaking of bad situations, my work out this morning was hard. HARD Y'ALL. I had absolutely nothing to give, but somehow I got through it.

Oh what I wouldn't give right now though to leave for a morning work out in 10 degrees and sunrise.

I'm still continuing to tone up, however, any loss of inches around around my waist continues to elude me. I will keep trucking however, and perhaps talk to my new sawbones about this situation next week. In the meantime, my trainer has me doing a food journal. I hate food journals, but I'll do it anyway. I just inevitably forget and then have to remember three days of meals.

I can't remember my middle name most days. I can tell you the dialogue from a Love Boat episode I watched 30 years ago, but the short term stuff, eh not so good.

I was also inspired by my workout by the soundtrack at the club. I went on an old school download binge at Itunes today. The Covergirls. OMG! I remember them!

Enjoy. We goin' all out y'all.

Sigh

Well now I know why I've felt like total ass for one and a half weeks. My bladder infection is back. Went to the walk in sawbones this morning and the doctor I saw this time said that he doesn't give out three day prescriptions, but seven day ones, otherwise folks inevitably are back in his office.

Ahem. Case in point.

The sleep clinic was weird, but went ok. I'll write more when I'm feeling better.

To Sleep, Perchance to Fuhreek Out

Well I'm off to the sleep disorder clinic tonight. I am so not looking forward to this it's not funny. It's like going to a hotel with none of the benefits. And people will be watching me. So weird.

Oh and I'll let you know how my scheduled naps go on Friday too. LOL!

Workout Song Obsession: Peg, Steely Dan
15 min mile pace: 3.2
Jar Opening Propensity: Gettin' there

I'm Pretending It's July

The rain is falling steadily outside. It's just after 3 a.m. and I am pretending that it's the middle of summer and that if I wanted to, I could go outside and sit in the warm night air in nothing but my housecoat. It feels like it's been raining for a week, though realistically it's more like a day and a half. I couldn't tell you however, the last full day of sun we had.

I have felt wretchedly tired this week. Between workouts and work, Christmas is sneaking up on me like a bad cold. How did I get to this point? How did any of us? It just seems every year at this time I'm insanely busy and Christmas becomes one more thing to get done. It's awful and we've completely lost the meaning of the season. Every year I feel this way and I don't know how to shake it.

I have absolutely no idea given my current workload and energy levels how I'm going to get anything done and how I can do anything to appreciate the season. That's what I think is so sad. Christmas isn't about running a gauntlet. It's about taking time to celebrate the birth of Christ [if you're a Christian] and to reflect and be thankful for what you have.

I've been trying to focus my mental efforts on the latter, because I do have much to be thankful for. It's amazing how much a bad work situation can suck the life out of, well your life. My work situation isn't bad in terms of the people or the company, or even the job. It's just the job "right now."

"Right now", I have too much work and not enough resources or time to get everything done. It's been like this for months, so I need to allow for that fact and realize that it's impacting my perspective. Plus I haven't had full time support in nearly two months. The irony is that as difficult as that has been, it been far less difficult than working with the person we let go.

Plus the new year brings an influx of interns, the return of my boss from mat leave and hopefully the conversion of my contract role to full time, assuming things get approved as planned and a job offer shows up in writing. I have to admit, there is a part of me that wishes I could just finish my contract, gracefully bow out and take some vacation, but you have to trust that things work out the way they do for a reason.

Still, I wish I was awake enough to read books and write more than "I did this" and "I did that" for blog entries.

On the upswing, I'm making good progress on the voice over front and should have a demo reel pulled together in the new year. By the summer, I plan to have an agent.

A facebook friend posted that it's only 11 more days before the sunlight starts to return and our days get longer. Thank goodness.

Is It March Yet?

There's a certain Slant of light,
Winter Afternoons--
That opresses, like the Heft
Of Cathedral Tunes--

Heavenly Hurt, it gives us--
We can find no scar,
But internal difference,
Where the meanings are--

None may teach it--Any--
'Tis the Seal Despair--
An imperial affliction
Sent us of the Air--

When it comes, the Landscape listens--
Shadows--hold their breath--
When it goes, 'tis like the Distance
On the look of Death--

-- Emily Dickinson

"Over the winter glaciers I see the summer glow;
And through the wild-piled snowdrift the warm rosebuds below"

-- Ralph Waldo Emmerson

Up early.

I'm beginning to wonder how I'm going to get through the next month. The lack of light is really getting to me this year and it seems these days at work that I barely get an eighth, if anything, done of what I'd like to.

I get some television in, but I'm too exhausted to read anything which is vexing. Right now, the highlights of my weeks are my workouts and being at home with the Marine. It's during times like this I'm most grateful for friends, family and home comforts.

I'm also trying to get into the holiday spirit a bit more this year and perhaps go to some events around the city. I was hoping Ragdoll and I could go to the Swedish Christmas Festival at Harbourfront, but it's over already. At any rate, I'm going to do some research and find some things to do because I always feel as if the season sneaks up on me. I don't like that.

My workouts continue to go well. I'm definitely getting stronger, but there's still no real shift in weight after a first week loss of a few pounds. I know for sure I'm getting stronger and I feel better. Still, dropping a few dress sizes would be nice too. I just need to be patient.

Alive and Kicking

I have to admit it. I hit the wall this morning.

The decline started yesterday. I just felt completely demoralized and frankly, over worked. My mind is a runaway train these days. Too much to do and not enough time to get it done. Every day I cut bait. Every day I settle for a substandard outcome. Right now, I simply aim for what is accomplishable. It won’t last forever. It never does. And perspective is everything. I could be in Haiti.

But ah yesterday. Yesterday was a nag. I was tired and strung out. At one point I thought a major project had gone off the rails and then a new minor one landed on my plate. There was too much pressing on my brain.

So I arrived for my work out this morning coming out of my second night of sleeping badly. I hadn’t done cardio the day before. I think it would have damn near killed me.

In the midst of trying to get everything done, I had spent the better part of yesterday morning at the dentist. I was getting evaluated for orthodontics of some kind because the hygienist at my previous check up had noticed I had ridges on the outside of my tongue. Apparently, this is typically a sign that the tongue doesn’t have enough room to sit properly and that it is pressing too hard against the sides of the teeth. The evaluation yesterday showed that not only are there are a number of issues with the structure of my jaw, and that I may also have sleep apnea.

So Monday I go back to the dentist for about an hour and a half of additional in depth tests. Then I’m back in two weeks to get the definitive recommendation on what could be done. And this means I have to do my workout with Debbie after work, which won’t be too bad.

This morning was tough but I had some great moments too. For example, I hit the treadmill and was able to get to my target heart rate much more quickly. I also noticed that my calf muscles didn’t hurt anywhere near as much. For nearly full on 15 minutes I kept up the pace.

Then we went to do weights. Today was going to be a legs and core day. After my first two sets, I suddenly felt a wave of nausea. Any strength I had just left me. Debbie stopped me and got me walking around slowly and drinking water.

“Have you been eating?”

“Yes.”

“How’s your sleep been lately?”

“Terrible.”

“Ah. Ok.”

So Debbie recalibrated my routine so it was less intense. I walked out feeling like I’d still gotten some benefit, but I was glad to be done.

Clearly I’d had enough this week, but here’s the thing. I’ve made more progress in a week than I typically would make on my own. I feel tired, but better. I feel strength starting to creep back into my bones and frankly, it's been a long time since I felt that way. I’m not necessarily interested in treating myself with kit gloves. I want to get going. I’ve had to wait too long for this.

So here’s to an easy weekend of good food, good rest, a massage and Twilight with Ragdoll on Sunday. Woot! Woot!

Weekly Progress:

Workout song obsession: Black Sweat – Prince
15 min mile pace: 3.5
Jar Opening Propensity: Easier



prince - black sweat
by eikichi

Musings

Early morning. Woke up as usual. I wish I could stop doing this. I wish I could sleep through an entire night.

Yesterday we had our first official snow fall of, well, the fall. I love the quiet of falling snow, the way it imposes itself on sound and muffles the city's harsher noises. I just really wish the snow hadn't come the day before I have to head uptown for a dentist's appointment this morning.

I'm just tired. I've spent most of this week in a fog, really tired of all the work I have to do in my current resource vacuum. I find myself in my usual holding the fort mode. Twas ever thus and frankly I'm sick of it, but in this current economy, I'm happy just to have a job.

Additionally, I had a great meeting last week. I got a referral to one of the top voice over shops in the city and the prospects are very good that I can transition my career within the next two years.

Ironically my only saving grace this week has been my workouts. Despite how tired and achy I have been, I am feeling a lot better and I like carving out that time just for me, even if I am spending most of it sweating and making my muscles beg for mercy.

Recovering

Spent the better part of last week at a work conference. It was a brutal week of 7 a.m. starts, 8 p.m. finishes and then trips to work to stay on top of things and getting out by 11 p.m.

The conference itself veered between inspirational and nails on a chalk board and with a move of furniture to contend with yesterday, I've spent the better part of today parking my butt on the couch and watching television. Thank God daylight savings ended. That extra hour of sleep is a Godsend.

The Employee From Hell

My recent experience at the office has taught me a lot, about myself and about being a manager. Next time, there are a few things I’ll definitely do differently. But if there’s one thing I’ve gotten out of this experience, it’s that you always need to trust your gut.

Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart once noted that he didn't know how to define pornography, "but I know it when I see it.” So to paraphrase, “I don’t know how to define when someone is fucking with you, but I know it when I feel it.”

And that, I think, is the most important aspect of this whole experience. Despite recognizing genuine talent, going out of my way to advocate for this person, trying to engage them, giving them the benefit of the doubt, recognizing that they struggled interpersonally, trying to help them and provide them with extra opportunity to showcase their skills, despite all of that, I still always felt fucked with.

So I write this list with two purposes in mind.

Take a long hard look at yourself. If you’re engaging in any of these behaviors, stop, because you’re genuinely jeopardizing your career progression.

Conversely, if you hate your boss and want to drive them insane, consider this a field guide.

HOW TO BE AN EMPLOYEE FROM HELL

When your new boss arrives, don’t go out of your way to give them an overview of what you do. Don’t help them to get oriented or up to speed. Conduct yourself in such a way that they have to ask you about how to do or find every thing.

This goes for meetings and emails too. Only tell your boss so much so that when questions arise, you can jump in with more detail. People won’t think your new boss is dumb. They’ll see you as passive aggressive and wonder why in the hell you didn’t debrief your boss on such basic facts their newness obviously prevented them from knowing in the first place.

If your new boss got the job you wanted, by all means utilize both the above to demonstrate to everyone that you can’t see the big picture and aren’t a team player. The fact that your new boss just answered a job ad is beside the point. Make the impersonal, personal.

At the outset, outline for your boss what your expectations and entitlements are. Never ask your boss what their expectations are of you. You’re not planning on meeting any of them anyway.

Work late, absolutely insane hours despite your boss’ repeated requests that you not do this. Ignore your boss when they offer to help you to prioritize tasks or to renegotiate deadlines with your stakeholders. By doing this, you clearly demonstrate that not only can you not accept even basic direction, but that you’re not good at managing your current workload effectively.

If you do work late, send your boss or cc them on a bunch of emails they’ll then have to go through the next morning. After all, they've just headed home the night before thinking they're on top of things. 20-25 emails is a good range. Make a particular point of doing this during their first two months on the job. It will make an already overwhelming scenario for them feel that much worse. When your boss raises this with you say “but I thought you wanted me to keep you informed?”

When you do ask for your boss’ help, make sure it’s to get tasks you don’t want to do or that you feel are beneath you off your plate. If your boss proposes an alternate solution, particularly one that means either they’ll take over the work or that doesn’t give you the solution you wanted, refuse this option outright and say it was no big deal after all. Make a particularly point of reacting this way when your boss has taken extra time out of their schedule to meet with people and address the issue for you.

If your boss asks you to look into an issue, ignore them.

When your boss sets clear expectations, in writing no less, about new processes, ignore them.

When your boss reminds you of the new process expectations and expects compliance, act like a four year old that just got their lolly pop stolen.

Have no listening skills whatsoever. Cultivate a complete inability to change with the ebb and flow of a conversation. Stay focused on what you need to get out of the conversation. Don’t ever ask anyone else if they have any ideas and if they do, only entertain the ones that meet your needs.

By no means treat everyone you work with the same. Always remain friendly and helpful towards senior executives, the staff affiliated with them and anybody you don’t have to do too much direct work with. Always make sure these people’s needs are met. Never worry if your boss or your immediate co-workers’ needs are met.

Turn process decisions your boss makes into personal attacks. Make it clear that you can’t appreciate that processes and roles sometimes need to be clarified. When your projects have gone completely off the rails and your boss steps in to make sure people stay focused on the issues rather than on personalities [i.e. YOU], accuse your boss of “taking things from me!” Stomping around your office, flailing your arms and yelling “Just give me SOMETHING!” loud enough for everyone to hear is also effective.

Never apologize for the above to your boss. But apologize to your boss’ boss. Continue working with your immediate boss as if the incident never happened.

Interpret the fact that your big ideas don’t get implemented as stifling your creativity. Ignore the pesky factors of available time, resources or budget that your boss has to evaluate.

Make sure that when your boss schedules update meetings that are meant to be quick check ins, that you take up the majority of the time asking your boss to justify why things are being done a certain way under the guise of “just wanting to understand.” By no means, schedule a separate, more convenient time for your boss to have this conversation.

Speaking of meetings, always be late for them. Always. Eventually your boss will just start meetings without you.

When you finally do get let go, make a point of telling the HR person how unsupported you were.

Well.....

Now I have a sinus infection. That explains why I've been so tired.

Back soon.

Mulberry Bush

Right now it's 11:39 p.m. and someone down the street is banging away on something. It sounds like a dismantlement of some kind. How cruelly the more yobbo aspects of this neighbourhood continue to assert themselves like a fungus on too old bread.

I'm still up because I'm avoiding sleep and I'm avoiding sleep because going to bed will bring tomorrow soon enough, and frankly I can't be bothered.

Hassan wrote about feeling like everyone around you is crazy although on a far more compelling level than I'm feeling. Nevertheless, today was relentlessly frustrating, one of those days that made me wonder why I bother.

I cling ever closer to the notion of an office free future.

Well, So Much For That Idea

How do I say this?

I would love to go to the party, but it's not worth the hangover.

Therefore I am not on vacation next week.

Hell I've waited this long. What's another 3-4 weeks?

And I'm in for a few hours tomorrow. I'm going through my usual seasonal transition where I drag my knuckles. I was oh so efficient this week - not - so I'd rather sleep in and have 2-3 uninterrupted hours to get things done.

The things I do for money. LOL!

Puddled and Befuddled

I had one of those days where I went in with guns blazing. Today was the day! Pow! Pow! I'd get so much done! Pow! Pow! I had a list of ten things! Pow! Pow!

I got two done.

I had a terrible night's sleep and the air was muggy and thick as a cotton ball all day long. The rain this evening has been relentless.

I really do have stuff to write about. Just can't get my brain in gear

On the upswing: two weeks gluten free! Pow! Pow!