This is the Golden Age? aka Zesty's Folly

I've been doing stupid shit lately.

Case in point, the week before my vacation I went and got a poster framed. It's from Elizabeth: The Golden Age and I spent $190.00 bucks getting it mounted and framed. Why? Well at the time, it had been sitting rolled up in my office and I really wanted something for the wall directly across from where I sit.

And I suppose I had some stupid law of attraction idea that if I had it in front of my line of sight long enough, if I could look at it and focus on it with the idea in my head that I too may be able to act full time one day, that framing this picture and making it look nice may actually help to make that happen, the way I think that staring at my credit card balance will somehow magically make it shrink.

But I suppose the other reason is that I didn't have to go into debt to do it because I've been saving for an Ipod and part of me just wanted to get something done because I wanted to get it done. Enough said. No weighing the constraints of what's affordable and what's not.

So now the poster hangs in my office. It's a little rough housed which is made more obvious when the light hits the poster surface which is on mounting. But this to me, is part of its charm. But it's also a symbol of folly, of not thinking clearly, of being reactionary. Oh yeah, and back to the drawing board on the Ipod.

And then I do stupid shit like today, when I go to the doctor and hear that absolutely nothing's wrong and everything came back normal and I'm so tired that I don't think to say "but you know when the nurse checked my file to make sure all my blood work was in there were two "abnormals" listed there."

I don't want to be sick, but I just don't understand how I can be as bone tired as I have been this past month but there is nothing wrong. My doctor said that my vitamin D test wasn't back yet and what I was describing was consistent with insufficiency. She also thought it was significant that my sleep quality had improved during the same time I'd lost five inches off my waist and she wants to follow up with me when I'd completed my second sleep test.

I guess I just expected to hear something definitive today given how I've been feeling and I was surprised that I didn't. My doctor was very understanding. She says she has several patients in my predicament with no definitive answers, but she's willing to keep working with me and trying other things as we go. So, the sleep test is up next. Really, it's all I can ask for and I appreciate it.

Having mulled this over the better part of this evening, I've decided to do the following:

I'm going to call my doctor back tomorrow and follow up on those two abnormal results for peace of mind.

I am not going to apologize for being tired anymore. I am not a hypochondriac and my symptoms are real. All I can do is manage them as best I can. The very least I can do, is trust myself.

I will continue my policy of at least one weekend a month where I have no appointments or obligations whatsoever.

I will exercise at least two times a week.

I am substantially cutting crap out of my diet - no more pop, chips, chocolate covered almonds etc. Not that I eat these in abundance, but I have been overdoing it a bit the last month on the chocolate almond front anyway, and I need to make more of an effort to eat healthfully.

I am going to see the nutritionist at my fitness club to get some guidance.