My recent experience at the office has taught me a lot, about myself and about being a manager. Next time, there are a few things I’ll definitely do differently. But if there’s one thing I’ve gotten out of this experience, it’s that you always need to trust your gut.
Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart once noted that he didn't know how to define pornography, "but I know it when I see it.” So to paraphrase, “I don’t know how to define when someone is fucking with you, but I know it when I feel it.”
And that, I think, is the most important aspect of this whole experience. Despite recognizing genuine talent, going out of my way to advocate for this person, trying to engage them, giving them the benefit of the doubt, recognizing that they struggled interpersonally, trying to help them and provide them with extra opportunity to showcase their skills, despite all of that, I still always felt fucked with.
So I write this list with two purposes in mind.
Take a long hard look at yourself. If you’re engaging in any of these behaviors, stop, because you’re genuinely jeopardizing your career progression.
Conversely, if you hate your boss and want to drive them insane, consider this a field guide.
HOW TO BE AN EMPLOYEE FROM HELL
When your new boss arrives, don’t go out of your way to give them an overview of what you do. Don’t help them to get oriented or up to speed. Conduct yourself in such a way that they have to ask you about how to do or find every thing.
This goes for meetings and emails too. Only tell your boss so much so that when questions arise, you can jump in with more detail. People won’t think your new boss is dumb. They’ll see you as passive aggressive and wonder why in the hell you didn’t debrief your boss on such basic facts their newness obviously prevented them from knowing in the first place.
If your new boss got the job you wanted, by all means utilize both the above to demonstrate to everyone that you can’t see the big picture and aren’t a team player. The fact that your new boss just answered a job ad is beside the point. Make the impersonal, personal.
At the outset, outline for your boss what your expectations and entitlements are. Never ask your boss what their expectations are of you. You’re not planning on meeting any of them anyway.
Work late, absolutely insane hours despite your boss’ repeated requests that you not do this. Ignore your boss when they offer to help you to prioritize tasks or to renegotiate deadlines with your stakeholders. By doing this, you clearly demonstrate that not only can you not accept even basic direction, but that you’re not good at managing your current workload effectively.
If you do work late, send your boss or cc them on a bunch of emails they’ll then have to go through the next morning. After all, they've just headed home the night before thinking they're on top of things. 20-25 emails is a good range. Make a particular point of doing this during their first two months on the job. It will make an already overwhelming scenario for them feel that much worse. When your boss raises this with you say “but I thought you wanted me to keep you informed?”
When you do ask for your boss’ help, make sure it’s to get tasks you don’t want to do or that you feel are beneath you off your plate. If your boss proposes an alternate solution, particularly one that means either they’ll take over the work or that doesn’t give you the solution you wanted, refuse this option outright and say it was no big deal after all. Make a particularly point of reacting this way when your boss has taken extra time out of their schedule to meet with people and address the issue for you.
If your boss asks you to look into an issue, ignore them.
When your boss sets clear expectations, in writing no less, about new processes, ignore them.
When your boss reminds you of the new process expectations and expects compliance, act like a four year old that just got their lolly pop stolen.
Have no listening skills whatsoever. Cultivate a complete inability to change with the ebb and flow of a conversation. Stay focused on what you need to get out of the conversation. Don’t ever ask anyone else if they have any ideas and if they do, only entertain the ones that meet your needs.
By no means treat everyone you work with the same. Always remain friendly and helpful towards senior executives, the staff affiliated with them and anybody you don’t have to do too much direct work with. Always make sure these people’s needs are met. Never worry if your boss or your immediate co-workers’ needs are met.
Turn process decisions your boss makes into personal attacks. Make it clear that you can’t appreciate that processes and roles sometimes need to be clarified. When your projects have gone completely off the rails and your boss steps in to make sure people stay focused on the issues rather than on personalities [i.e. YOU], accuse your boss of “taking things from me!” Stomping around your office, flailing your arms and yelling “Just give me SOMETHING!” loud enough for everyone to hear is also effective.
Never apologize for the above to your boss. But apologize to your boss’ boss. Continue working with your immediate boss as if the incident never happened.
Interpret the fact that your big ideas don’t get implemented as stifling your creativity. Ignore the pesky factors of available time, resources or budget that your boss has to evaluate.
Make sure that when your boss schedules update meetings that are meant to be quick check ins, that you take up the majority of the time asking your boss to justify why things are being done a certain way under the guise of “just wanting to understand.” By no means, schedule a separate, more convenient time for your boss to have this conversation.
Speaking of meetings, always be late for them. Always. Eventually your boss will just start meetings without you.
When you finally do get let go, make a point of telling the HR person how unsupported you were.
Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart once noted that he didn't know how to define pornography, "but I know it when I see it.” So to paraphrase, “I don’t know how to define when someone is fucking with you, but I know it when I feel it.”
And that, I think, is the most important aspect of this whole experience. Despite recognizing genuine talent, going out of my way to advocate for this person, trying to engage them, giving them the benefit of the doubt, recognizing that they struggled interpersonally, trying to help them and provide them with extra opportunity to showcase their skills, despite all of that, I still always felt fucked with.
So I write this list with two purposes in mind.
Take a long hard look at yourself. If you’re engaging in any of these behaviors, stop, because you’re genuinely jeopardizing your career progression.
Conversely, if you hate your boss and want to drive them insane, consider this a field guide.
HOW TO BE AN EMPLOYEE FROM HELL
When your new boss arrives, don’t go out of your way to give them an overview of what you do. Don’t help them to get oriented or up to speed. Conduct yourself in such a way that they have to ask you about how to do or find every thing.
This goes for meetings and emails too. Only tell your boss so much so that when questions arise, you can jump in with more detail. People won’t think your new boss is dumb. They’ll see you as passive aggressive and wonder why in the hell you didn’t debrief your boss on such basic facts their newness obviously prevented them from knowing in the first place.
If your new boss got the job you wanted, by all means utilize both the above to demonstrate to everyone that you can’t see the big picture and aren’t a team player. The fact that your new boss just answered a job ad is beside the point. Make the impersonal, personal.
At the outset, outline for your boss what your expectations and entitlements are. Never ask your boss what their expectations are of you. You’re not planning on meeting any of them anyway.
Work late, absolutely insane hours despite your boss’ repeated requests that you not do this. Ignore your boss when they offer to help you to prioritize tasks or to renegotiate deadlines with your stakeholders. By doing this, you clearly demonstrate that not only can you not accept even basic direction, but that you’re not good at managing your current workload effectively.
If you do work late, send your boss or cc them on a bunch of emails they’ll then have to go through the next morning. After all, they've just headed home the night before thinking they're on top of things. 20-25 emails is a good range. Make a particular point of doing this during their first two months on the job. It will make an already overwhelming scenario for them feel that much worse. When your boss raises this with you say “but I thought you wanted me to keep you informed?”
When you do ask for your boss’ help, make sure it’s to get tasks you don’t want to do or that you feel are beneath you off your plate. If your boss proposes an alternate solution, particularly one that means either they’ll take over the work or that doesn’t give you the solution you wanted, refuse this option outright and say it was no big deal after all. Make a particularly point of reacting this way when your boss has taken extra time out of their schedule to meet with people and address the issue for you.
If your boss asks you to look into an issue, ignore them.
When your boss sets clear expectations, in writing no less, about new processes, ignore them.
When your boss reminds you of the new process expectations and expects compliance, act like a four year old that just got their lolly pop stolen.
Have no listening skills whatsoever. Cultivate a complete inability to change with the ebb and flow of a conversation. Stay focused on what you need to get out of the conversation. Don’t ever ask anyone else if they have any ideas and if they do, only entertain the ones that meet your needs.
By no means treat everyone you work with the same. Always remain friendly and helpful towards senior executives, the staff affiliated with them and anybody you don’t have to do too much direct work with. Always make sure these people’s needs are met. Never worry if your boss or your immediate co-workers’ needs are met.
Turn process decisions your boss makes into personal attacks. Make it clear that you can’t appreciate that processes and roles sometimes need to be clarified. When your projects have gone completely off the rails and your boss steps in to make sure people stay focused on the issues rather than on personalities [i.e. YOU], accuse your boss of “taking things from me!” Stomping around your office, flailing your arms and yelling “Just give me SOMETHING!” loud enough for everyone to hear is also effective.
Never apologize for the above to your boss. But apologize to your boss’ boss. Continue working with your immediate boss as if the incident never happened.
Interpret the fact that your big ideas don’t get implemented as stifling your creativity. Ignore the pesky factors of available time, resources or budget that your boss has to evaluate.
Make sure that when your boss schedules update meetings that are meant to be quick check ins, that you take up the majority of the time asking your boss to justify why things are being done a certain way under the guise of “just wanting to understand.” By no means, schedule a separate, more convenient time for your boss to have this conversation.
Speaking of meetings, always be late for them. Always. Eventually your boss will just start meetings without you.
When you finally do get let go, make a point of telling the HR person how unsupported you were.
1 comment:
Ouch. Sounds like several months of pain, suffering and sufferance.
Sucks that it had to come to the layoff situation. Hope the lack of lunacy -- at least from that quarter -- helps things moving forward.
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