Christmas Comes But Twice A Year

July is a month that sends my wallet running for cover. I hate to be so unsentimental, but let's be honest shall we? November is a cold month. As a result, I have many July birthdays to contend with.

To protect the identity of the innocent parties indirectly associated with my online musings, I shall refer to them only by the code names they use in the criminal underworld.

My July Birthday Bandwagon consists of (and in no particular order):

Big Poppa Barney
Effy Vivaldi
Manalo Myrtle
Berry Rankin
Banana "Ragdoll" Cardova

The above listing does not include those to whom I send a July Birthday card, chock full of heartfelt - and free - goodwishes.

The madness. The sheer bloody madness of it all.

Last night I travelled to my spiritual home of Brampton, Ontario to celebrate the fact that my sister Myrtle was one year closer to contemplating Botox. (I myself am already on a payment plan. Although I would like to note for the record that neither of us look a day over 25, testament to our healthy lifestyles and respective deals with Satan.)

We went to a lovely Brampton restaurant called La Cappannina. The owner and staff at this restaurant have seen my sister and I grow up. Yes, we've been going THAT long and I have yet to have an even remotely sub-par meal there. This was our second recent trip to La Capp, as last weekend we were there for Big Poppa Barney's birthday. Oy! Tha decadence!

We then went back to my parents' house, where I was brutally Shanghaied by my niece "Rosy" into a four hour play marathon.

We began with colouring books. Rosy had a nice set of coloured pencils and asked me to choose my favourite. I of course, went with pink. Rosy chose her pencil and holding it up to sky like the Statue of Liberty, proclaimed "YELLOW!"

"Yes." I replied. "And look." I said "Look how nice it is when you put the yellow and the pink together. Isn't that pretty?"

"Yes!" Rosy replied, "Like diamonds!."

My niece is truly her mother's daughter. Although I must admit I have now comandeered this phrase for myself, declaring everything and anything I approve of as being "Like diamonds." Watch this space.

The rest of play time consisted of Hide 'N' Seek, Grocery Store, Care Bears, Send the Bums to Jail, Cooking Dinner and Livingroom Soccer.

The soccer aspect of my play torture was particularly humiliating. In a stunning upset (ok, I had a cramp) Rosy won a decisive 163 - 1 victory. We also had to sing the victory song after every goal. Oh no. I'm sorry. We sang the victory song after every one of Rosy's goals. My goals were ineligible.

The song lyrics in case you're interested are:

Nice one Rosy,
Nice one chum,
Nice one Rosy,
Let's have another one.
OY!

I also found the Grocery Store game a bit expensive. I mean sure, it was a REALLY good onion that Rosy sold me, but to my mind, $20 was an exorbitant price. Then again, it WAS a REALLY good onion. No doubt, this kid has a future in Yorkville.

Poppa Barney was comandeered for two exhilirating sessions of Ring Around the Rosies (which also included the Picking Up the Daisies cycle I might add). Our night was then wrapped up with tea and a relaxing episode of Franklin Goes to School - one of Poppa Barney's favourites.

Rosy then gave me permission to go home. I may be wrong, but I think Rosy made sure that her grandmother packed her up some of Mother Myrtle's chocolate birthday cake for the road.

Nice one chum. That cake was like diamonds.