It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

I was out for lunch with Rembrandt today. My one dose of civilization during my work week in the corporatesphere is to have one nice lunch out a week, and it's usually with Rembrandt because he feels the same way. Of course I was totally embarrassed today when he pointed out a big cat fluff on my left wrist. I had just washed my fleece jumper and it was one of those fur knots the dryer leaves behind. Needless to say, mortification ensued.

At any rate, I was telling Rembrandt how I'm usually so together at Christmas. By the end of November, my Christmas cards are mailed and my Christmas gifts are bought. This Christmas marks the fourth in a row, the fourth since the Marine and I moved into our house, where my Christmas decorations won't go up, I haven't bought gifts and needless to say, cards have yet to be mailed.

I've decided that having a reno job for a house is very overwhelming. I'm sometimes envious of people who buy new, who just need to throw a lick of paint on the walls to get their place looking half decent. But it seems this house, not to mention paying for it has somewhat zapped my energy and I only now feel like I'm starting to move away from that. And with prices being what they are, I'm just thankful we were able to buy when we did.

But back to Christmas. The one thing I always enjoyed about Christmas was the anticipation of the season: carols at school, letters to Santa, counting on that new Rupert annual every year. Now as an adult, for most adults really, the one thing we seem to gain from the holidays is just that: a break from work. Pretty sad.

As usual, I am endeavouring to do better next year. But the funny thing is that despite everything, despite how lousy some of the last few years have been for various reasons, there's been a lot of good stuff too. It feels as if the tide is finally turning and every year has in some ways been better than the last. I suppose it's all perspective. I mean, I really, REALLY, didn't need my Nissan to blow up the way it did. I was upset that I was too broke to find a few hundred to get repairs done so my 3K tranny wouldn't get trashed. But it happened. I was trying to be responsible and not go into more debt. It ended up happening anyway, but now I have a really really nice new car to run into the ground and on the upside, I'm not spending tons of money on Chudleigh because he's sick again.

Yes. It's official. Chudmiester has hit the one year mark for the first time in three years, where he has not been ill with his FUS. So hey, new car or sick cat. I know which one I'm choosing.

But I suppose the other thing I've been thinking about is what my old Nissan represented. I've realized that it went beyond sentimental for me. It was in many ways, a direct symbol of my youth, a time where other goals and dreams seemed as if they would come true, a time where I had no sense of what it meant for your whole world to change in a heartbeat. So letting Little Thunder go is a tangible and real way of really acknowledging my adulthood.

Anyone who's known me for a long time [Ragdoll and The Guru - I'm lookin' in your direction here] will attest to the fact that I always maintained at 15 that I felt like I was 40 inside. Now the weird thing is that chronologically, I'm catching up to myself.

But despite my tardiness with the season and feeling like once again it has caught me by surprise, I realized this evening that I didn't have my usual depression about it. If anything, I'm feeling more out of whack with the lack of light, something that never used to bother me. So there I was at Dominion tonight, buying some fixings for the gingerbread house our division is entering in a fundraiser and I was genuinely happy about it. It was fun. I didn't have the usual emotional overload that I get every year.

Stressed outta my tree wondering how I'll get everything done by the 25th, but no overload.

Sigh.