My boss has a good theory about why the darkness is getting to everybody this winter. He reminded me that we rolled the clocks back later this year so it's probably thrown everybody off.
I feel like lead under an eraser. It's wiping me out.
The one highlight of today was talking with my Granny on the phone. She is doing much better and the hospital is now deciding on next steps. It's been nerve wracking. I realize she is in her 80's. I realize people die, but this is a difficult time of year. Ten years ago we lost my aunt and my grandfather within days of each other and to be blunt, I don't want a third anniversary to contend with.
In the meantime, is it wrong of me to admit that I'm struggling to do even the minimal amount of work at the moment? I think everyone is. I've just completely run out of steam despite my week's vacation. I can't wait until new year when I have another two weeks off. All I can think about right now is acting, and scripts, and memorizing more monologues and how I'll get an agent, and why did I apply for another job in my company that sounded like fun when frankly I'll probably have an easier time auditioning if I stay where I am, and that I need to lose weight, and get new headshots and how on earth will I pay for all that and that I'm still a bit scared and that I'm reading through my play terrified that I can't memorize all my lines in time, that I'll blank on stage, and that I need to start doing yoga and going to my club and.....
Did I mention the darkness is getting to me?
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